Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Early Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb
Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Anonymous
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion
will legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power to do so,
and will follow it by suppressing opposition,
subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young,
and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics.
- Robert Heinlein
Is it bigger than breadbox?
- the early television show Twenty Questions
Self-pity in its early stages
is as snug as a feather mattress.
Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
- Maya Angelou
Genius always finds itself a century too early.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.
- Henry David Thoreau
Early to bed and early to rise,
makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
- Benjamin Franklin
Drop guilt! - because to be guilty is to live in hell.
Not being guilty, you will have the freshness
of dewdrops in the early morning sun,
you will have the freshness of lotus petals in the lake,
you will have the freshness of the stars in the night.
Once guilt disappears you will have
a totally different kind of life, luminous and radiant.
You will have a dance to your feet
and your heart will be singing a thousand and one songs.
- Osho
Courage is the art of being the only one
who knows you're scared to death.
- Earl Wilson
You become what you think about.
- Earl Nightingale
We can let circumstances rule us,
or we can take charge and
rule our lives from within.
- Earl Nightingale
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear
to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.
- Sylvester Stallone
Life is like music; it must be composed by ear,
feeling, and instinct, not by rule.
- Samuel Butler
Offense comes not from the mouth, but from the ear.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient.
It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Insult comes not from the mouth,
but from the ear.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
- Maya Angelou
There is a good ear, in some men,
that draws supplies to virtue
out of very indifferent nutriment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
For it was not into my ear you whispered,
but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed,
but my soul.
- Judy Garland
We may stumble, but always there is that eternal voice,
forever whispering within our ear,
that thing which causes the eternal quest,
that thing which forever sings and sings.
- Ernest Holmes
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear,
an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
- Leo Buscaglia
A few minutes ago every tree was excited,
bowing to the roaring storm,
waving, swirling, tossing their branches
in glorious enthusiasm like worship.
But though to the outer ear these trees
are now silent, their songs never cease.
- John Muir
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw
Nobody cares how much you know,
until they know how much you care.
- attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, among others,
but probably earlier and anonymous
When I hear music, I fear no danger.
I am invulnerable. I see no foe.
I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest.
- Henry David Thoreau
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is given to us, we earn it by giving it.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Merely to avoid harming others is not enough.
Earn your place in this world by doing good.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In today's knowledge-based economy,
what you earn depends on what you learn.
- William J. Clinton
A working definition of Honor is,
"respect or esteem that has been earned."
Contemplate that for a moment.
It would be very special to earn the respect and esteem
of our family, our friends, our co-workers, our community, wouldn't it?
If anything, it is of even more moment to honor yourself.
Those who are successful and happy earn their own
self-respect and self-esteem.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Dumbo! C'mon, fly! Open them ears!
The magic feather was just a gag!
You can fly! Honest, you can!
- Timothy Q. Mouse in the movie Dumbo
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous
We have two ears and one mouth so that
we can listen twice as much as we speak.
- Epictetus
I want to share with you the three rules
that I have in order to accept an apprentice.
Rule Number 1: Don't believe me.
I don't want you to believe me
but I want you to listen and make choices - your choices.
If what I say, doesn't work for you, leave it.
But if it works for you and that's what you want, then make it yours.
Rule Number 2: Don't believe yourself.
Why? Because most of your belief system is a lie - it's not true.
And by believing yourself, you create all the limitations
that don't allow you to be what you really are.
Don't believe yourself. Listen to what you say,
listen to what you think, listen to what you believe.
And when you listen, open your ears, open your mind,
open your intelligence and make choices.
Rule 3 is, don't believe anybody else.
Don't believe them at all.
Open your ears and your mind; listen and make choices.
- don Miguel Ruiz
You're standing on the threshold of success.
Don't look down, it'll make you dizzy.
- the character Timothy Q. Mouse in the Walt Disney movie Dumbo
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Thank you for visiting: Funny Early Quotes - Funny Quotes about Early.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.