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Let these funny Ear Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
Life is like music; it must be composed by ear,
feeling, and instinct, not by rule.
- Samuel Butler
Offense comes not from the mouth, but from the ear.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient.
It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
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I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear
to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.
- Sylvester Stallone
We may stumble, but always there is that eternal voice,
forever whispering within our ear,
that thing which causes the eternal quest,
that thing which forever sings and sings.
- Ernest Holmes
For it was not into my ear you whispered,
but into my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed,
but my soul.
- Judy Garland
Insult comes not from the mouth,
but from the ear.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is a good ear, in some men,
that draws supplies to virtue
out of very indifferent nutriment.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
- Maya Angelou
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch,
a smile, a kind word, a listening ear,
an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring,
all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
- Leo Buscaglia
A few minutes ago every tree was excited,
bowing to the roaring storm,
waving, swirling, tossing their branches
in glorious enthusiasm like worship.
But though to the outer ear these trees
are now silent, their songs never cease.
- John Muir
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is given to us, we earn it by giving it.
- Rabindranath Tagore
In today's knowledge-based economy,
what you earn depends on what you learn.
- William J. Clinton
Merely to avoid harming others is not enough.
Earn your place in this world by doing good.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A working definition of Honor is,
"respect or esteem that has been earned."
Contemplate that for a moment.
It would be very special to earn the respect and esteem
of our family, our friends, our co-workers, our community, wouldn't it?
If anything, it is of even more moment to honor yourself.
Those who are successful and happy earn their own
self-respect and self-esteem.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Dumbo! C'mon, fly! Open them ears!
The magic feather was just a gag!
You can fly! Honest, you can!
- Timothy Q. Mouse in the movie Dumbo
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous
We have two ears and one mouth so that
we can listen twice as much as we speak.
- Epictetus
I want to share with you the three rules
that I have in order to accept an apprentice.
Rule Number 1: Don't believe me.
I don't want you to believe me
but I want you to listen and make choices - your choices.
If what I say, doesn't work for you, leave it.
But if it works for you and that's what you want, then make it yours.
Rule Number 2: Don't believe yourself.
Why? Because most of your belief system is a lie - it's not true.
And by believing yourself, you create all the limitations
that don't allow you to be what you really are.
Don't believe yourself. Listen to what you say,
listen to what you think, listen to what you believe.
And when you listen, open your ears, open your mind,
open your intelligence and make choices.
Rule 3 is, don't believe anybody else.
Don't believe them at all.
Open your ears and your mind; listen and make choices.
- don Miguel Ruiz
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The early bird gets the worm,
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Anonymous
I always arrive late at the office,
but I make up for it by leaving early.
- Charles Lamb
It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion
will legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power to do so,
and will follow it by suppressing opposition,
subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young,
and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics.
- Robert Heinlein
Is it bigger than breadbox?
- the early television show Twenty Questions
Self-pity in its early stages
is as snug as a feather mattress.
Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
- Maya Angelou
Genius always finds itself a century too early.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.
- Henry David Thoreau
Early to bed and early to rise,
makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.
- Benjamin Franklin
Drop guilt! - because to be guilty is to live in hell.
Not being guilty, you will have the freshness
of dewdrops in the early morning sun,
you will have the freshness of lotus petals in the lake,
you will have the freshness of the stars in the night.
Once guilt disappears you will have
a totally different kind of life, luminous and radiant.
You will have a dance to your feet
and your heart will be singing a thousand and one songs.
- Osho
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
Fly Life on Free Wings, and Sing to its Glory.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I refuse to answer that question
on the grounds that I don't know the answer
- Douglas Adams
The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life.
Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.
- Albert Einstein
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I feel coming on a strange disease - humility.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
I am fond of pigs.
Dogs look up to us.
Cats look down on us.
Pigs treat us as equals.
- Winston Churchill
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is dangerous to be right in matters
on which the established authorities are wrong.
- Voltaire
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.