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Let these funny Dirty Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
You must not lose faith in humanity.
Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty,
the ocean does not become dirty.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
This physical world is to our imagination as ice is to water -
pure water forms pure ice - dirty water forms dirty ice.
Consider how much easier it is to purify water before it freezes
than it is to chip the impurities from the solid ice.
So also, it is much easier to purify your thoughts
before they manifest into physical reality,
than to try to cut the cancerous impurities from solid reality
after you have manifested your thoughts into physical form.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
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Confession of errors is like a broom
which sweeps away the dirt
and leaves the surface brighter and clearer.
I feel stronger for confession.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions.
All life is an experiment.
The more experiments you make the better.
What if they are a little coarse,
and you may get your coat soiled or torn?
What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled
in the dirt once or twice.
Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Home is our sanctuary, where we:
relax into being ourselves,
play with our inner child,
paint the walls green and pink,
dig in the dirt,
grow something,
love somebody else,
love ourselves even more,
snuggle with a warm blanket on a Sunday afternoon,
hang "go away" on the door whenever we want,
clean and tidy often... or never,
launch from and return to,
are truly ourselves.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln
Nearly everything you do is of no importance,
but it is important that you do it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
- Mark Twain
How is it that one rails against that
which is nearly a certainty?
- Mary Anne Radmacher
It is nearly a certainty that some
of your expectations will not be met today -
choose Joy anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A great architect is not made by way of a brain
nearly so much as he is made by way
of a cultivated, enriched heart.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
In truth, politeness is artificial good humor,
it covers the natural want of it,
and ends by rendering habitual a substitute
nearly equivalent to the real virtue.
- Thomas Jefferson
People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind
What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman
in the midst of this world,
where each person is clinging to his piece of debris?
What's the proper salutation between people
as they pass each other in this flood?
- The Buddha
The Creator has not thought proper
to mark those in the forehead
who are of stuff to make good generals.
We are first, therefore, to seek them blindfold,
and then let them learn the trade
at the expense of great losses.
- Thomas Jefferson
What are the proper grounds for joy?
Is it circumstance which will
determine the stature of my spirit?
Ah, no. It is choice. It is always a choice -
in the face of any event - for joy.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze
than it should be stifled by dry rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor,
every atom of me in magnificent glow,
than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.
- Jack London
Don't think you can attain total awareness and whole enlightenment
without proper discipline and practice. This is egomania.
Appropriate rituals channel your emotions
and life energy toward the light.
Without the discipline to practice them,
you will tumble constantly backward into darkness.
- Lao Tzu
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain
Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
Thinking is what most people resort to after all else fails.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
Be smarter than other people, just don't tell them so.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
Most people's historical perspective
begins with the day of their birth.
- Rush Limbaugh
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money
they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers
Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Might I perhaps win my wings?
I've been waiting for over 200 years now, sir,
and people ARE beginning to talk.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
- Anonymous
I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.