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Let these funny Dine Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
We are all one whether we dine on corned beef in New York City,
black-eyed peas and cornbread in rural Louisiana,
or roast guinea pig in Peru.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I think this is the most extraordinary
collection of talent, of human knowledge,
that has ever been gathered at the White House -
with the possible exception of
when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.
- John F. Kennedy
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
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Majority rule only works if you're also
considering individual rights,
because you can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt
Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Learn to do common things uncommonly well;
we must always keep in mind that anything
that helps fill the dinner pail is valuable.
- George Washington Carver
Be an Original, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat, dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt
Smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole
for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast
and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat -
dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We all tend to measure our worth by what we DO -
the actions we take.
We also highly value what we SAY.
However, the greatest impact we have
on our family, our friends,
and our world is our kindness and love.
A bowl of soup served with love
is a greater gift than a steak dinner served brusquely.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate.
- Margaret Mead
Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather
Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.
- Khalil Gibran
Understanding is a two-way street.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated;
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George
Prejudice is a two-edged sword.
Like the steel sort of sword, it's very sharp, very useful,
and very dangerous if not properly mastered.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.
- Aristotle
We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous
There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth;
not going all the way, and not starting.
- The Buddha
Falling in love and having a relationship
are two different things.
- Keanu Reeves
When I am getting ready to reason with a man,
I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself
and what I am going to say
and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.
- Abraham Lincoln
Winners must have two things:
definite goals and a burning desire to achieve them.
- Anonymous
Friendship is not possible between two women
one of whom is very well dressed.
- Laurie Colwin
As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands.
One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
- Audrey Hepburn
Friendship is one mind in two bodies.
- Mencius
I had three chairs in my house;
one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.
- Henry David Thoreau
Pride comes in two flavors -
choose honor, not ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I ...
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost
The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung
Cause and effect are two sides of one fact.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
This communicating of a man's self to his friend
works two contrary effects;
for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half.
- Francis Bacon
There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth
- not going all the way and not starting.
- The Buddha
There are two things to aim at in life:
first, to get what you want,
and after that to to enjoy it.
- Logan Pearsall Smith
Two souls with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.
- Friedrich Halm
If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa,
there are also roads that lead to their goal.
Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
- Nelson Mandela
This is the answer to all questions about relationship.
When two people sing their lives in harmony,
their lives are grand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie
There are two kinds of failures:
those who thought and never did,
and those who did and never thought.
- Laurence J. Peter
All philosophy lies in two words,
sustain and abstain.
- Epictetus
The career of a sage is of two kinds:
He is either honored by all in the world,
Like a flower waving its head,
Or else he disappears into the silent forest.
- Lao Tzu
As a rock star, I have two instincts,
I want to have fun, and I want to change the world.
I have a chance to do both.
- Bono
You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- old proverb often attributed to David Lloyd George
At the beginning and at the end of love,
the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone.
- Jean de la Bruyere
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.