Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Cynics Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy
Modern cynics and skeptics... see no harm in paying those
to whom they entrust the minds of their children
a smaller wage than is paid to those to whom
they entrust the care of their plumbing.
- John F. Kennedy
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
The believer's ray of light is the cynic's sunburn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Procrastination is the bad habit of putting off
until the day after tomorrow what should
have been done the day before yesterday.
- Napoleon Hill
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else
The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
Serious illness doesn't bother me for long
because I am too inhospitable a host.
- Albert Schweitzer
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
I have often wanted to drown my troubles,
but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
- Anonymous
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Gossip is the art of saying nothing
in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I believe in equality for everyone,
except reporters and photographers.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors
Thank you for visiting: Funny Cynics Quotes - Funny Quotes about Cynics.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.