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Let these funny Cord Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
He who joyfully marches in rank and file
has already earned my contempt.
He has been given a large brain by mistake,
since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Go forth, and play joyfully in the garden of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world.
We cannot cure the world of sorrows,
but we can choose to live in joy.
- Joseph Campbell
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Hold on... Joyfully.
Holding-on does not have to be
a desperate teeth-gritting kind of holding-on.
Holding-on can be a joyful
"this is just the nature of Life,
so I may as well enjoy it"
kind of holding-on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A life lived Boldly and Joyfully is a Heroic Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Know that when you live joyfully,
you radiate your light into the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Hold on... Joyfully.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Happiness is not the absence of problems,
but the willingness to deal with them joyfully.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All life is change.
Release your attachment to the way things have been,
and wend your way joyfully
through life's unfolding majesty.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Know that life is most joyfully lived boldly -
with courage and intent.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is so much we can never know.
Breathe deeply and relax into the not-knowing.
There is much that we do not have to know
in order to live joyfully.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Happiness comes from a conscious choice to live life joyfully.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I live in the moment, and I live joyfully.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life cannot be lived fully or joyfully if
our thoughts are focused on regretting the past,
preoccupied with anticipating the future,
or lost in the mind-fog of unconscious habitual behavior.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I didn't make it all the way through third grade for nothing.
- the movie The Rescuers Down Under
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)
Life is a moderately good play
with a badly written third act.
- Truman Capote
All truth passes through three stages:
First, it is ridiculed;
Second, it is violently opposed;
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
If you do something once,
people will call it an accident.
If you do it twice, t
hey call it a coincidence.
But do it a third time, and
you've just proven a natural law.
- Grace Hopper
When I am getting ready to reason with a man,
I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself
and what I am going to say
and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.
- Abraham Lincoln
Clarke's Third Law:
Any sufficiently advanced technology
is indistinguishable from magic.
- Arthur C. Clarke
If you have an important point to make,
don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver.
Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again.
Then hit it a third time - a tremendous whack.
- Winston Churchill
I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize.
The first is gentleness;
the second is frugality;
the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others.
Be gentle and you can be bold;
be frugal and you can be generous;
avoid putting yourself before others
and you can become a leader among men.
- Lao Tzu
I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,
visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children
to the third and fourth generations.
- Exodus 20:5
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
We are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past,
but by the love we're not extending in the present.
- Marianne Williamson
A politician needs the ability to
foretell what is going to happen
tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year.
And to have the ability afterwards
to explain why it didn't happen.
- Winston Churchill
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
- widely misattributed to Mark Twain
The earth is like a spaceship
that didn't come with an operating manual.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you.
If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you.
If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you.
But I did, I do, and I will.
- Anonymous
I have found out in later years that we were very poor,
but the glory of America is that we didn't know it then.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Does anybody really think that they didn't get what they had
because they didn't have the talent
or the strength or the endurance or the commitment?
- Nelson Mandela
The most important thing about Spaceship Earth -
an instruction book didn't come with it.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
I didn't want to marry anybody else in town.
I want my baby to look like you.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today,
at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little,
at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick,
at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.
- The Buddha
What if happiness were found in the serenity of simple pleasures.
What if we didn't need the newest gizmo... the highest high?
What if happiness is in the air we breathe...
slowly, deeply, and consciously?
What if happiness is one fresh grape, savored with gratitude?
What if happiness is in our oneness with all creation?
What if happiness is about enjoying life exactly as it comes to us -
without chasing after it?
What if happiness is something we CHOOSE...
regardless of our circumstances?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish he didn't trust me so much.
- Mother Teresa
He didn't come out of my belly, but my God,
I've made his bones, because I've attended to every meal,
and how he sleeps,
and the fact that he swims like a fish
because I took him to the ocean.
I'm so proud of all those things.
But he is my biggest pride.
- John Lennon
Do you remember the things you were worrying about a year ago?
Didn't you waste a lot of fruitless energy
on account of most of them?
Didn't most of them turn out all right after all?
- Dale Carnegie
Choose love. Choose to release all resentments.
Forgive everyone. Choose to release all regrets.
Forgive yourself for all decisions that you have ever made
that didn't work out as you hoped.
Forgive yourself for any financial decisions
that didn't meet your expectations.
Release your regrets if you choose
the "wrong" spouse or the "wrong" career.
Today, choose love.
Choose to love yourself.
Choose to love your life.
Choose to love all the friends, family, co-workers,
acquaintances, and others who share your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track
that has been there all the while waiting for you,
and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living.
When you can see that, you begin to meet people
who are in the field of your bliss,
and they open the doors to you.
I say, follow your bliss and don't be afraid,
and doors will open where you didn't know they were going to be.
If you follow your bliss,
doors will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else.
- Joseph Campbell
From one point of view, one individual's vote
doesn't make any difference whatsoever.
The probability of an election swinging
by a single vote is infinitesimal.
On the other hand, if everybody took the attitude
that voting didn't matter, there could never
be a democratically elected government - at all.
So, does your vote matter? You bet your vote matters.
And, at least as much as your vote matters,
your intention for the future of the world matters.
That's so important, it's worth saying again.
At Least As Much As Your Vote Matters,
Your Intention For The Future Of The Entire World Matters.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I have never written a book that didn't teach me
far more than it taught any reader.
- Isaac Asimov
There is nobody in this country who got rich on their own. Nobody. You built a factory out there - good for you. But I want to be clear. You moved your goods to market on roads the rest of us paid for. You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate. You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn't have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory... Now look. You built a factory and it turned into something terrific or a great idea - God bless! Keep a hunk of it. But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who comes along."
- Elizabeth Warren
Most of us seldom let the outrageous
part of ourselves out to play.
Notice that I didn't say "never," I said "seldom."
Halloween is one of those exceptions.
While there are certainly many "bah humbug" houses on our street,
more than half the houses wear an acknowledgement of Halloween -
and nothing about Halloween is NOT outrageous.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.