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Let these funny Competitive Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Today is a day to cover your best weapons in velvet.
Go gently into the world.
Hold your anger.
Keep your competitive spirit in check.
Some day you will need your fierce weapons,
but not today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Sister is probably the most competitive
relationship within the family,
but once the sisters are grown,
it becomes the strongest relationship.
- Margaret Mead
If you want to be incrementally better: Be competitive.
If you want to be exponentially better: Be cooperative.
- Anonymous
We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts,
foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values.
For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge
the truth and falsehood in an open market
is a nation that is afraid of its people.
- John F. Kennedy
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There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
Do you ever question why our educational system
teaches competition rather than cooperation?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Cooperation is less stressful than competition.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Competition has been shown to be useful
up to a certain point and no further,
but cooperation, which is the thing we must strive for today,
begins where competition leaves off.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate.
- Margaret Mead
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather
Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.
- Khalil Gibran
Prejudice is a two-edged sword.
Like the steel sort of sword, it's very sharp, very useful,
and very dangerous if not properly mastered.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated;
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George
Understanding is a two-way street.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I had three chairs in my house;
one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.
- Henry David Thoreau
There are two things to aim at in life:
first, to get what you want,
and after that to to enjoy it.
- Logan Pearsall Smith
Music fills the infinite between two souls.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Cause and effect are two sides of one fact.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are two means of refuge
from the miseries of life:
music and cats.
- Albert Schweitzer
You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie
There are two kinds of stones,
as everyone knows,
one of which rolls.
- Amelia Earhart
People sort themselves into groups
of happy people and unhappy people
through two different, but complementary mechanisms,
influence and affinity.
I influence those around me
with my emotional state, either happy or unhappy.
At the same time, I feel an affinity
for others who are like me in some way -
in this case by sharing my emotional outlook on life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Pride comes in two flavors -
choose honor, not ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The two powers which in my opinion constitute a wise man
are those of bearing and forbearing.
- Epictetus
There are two kinds of failures:
those who thought and never did,
and those who did and never thought.
- Laurence J. Peter
Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons
to promote the good and happiness of one another.
- Eustace Budgell
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I ...
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost
To live a satisfying life requires two steps...
1. Plan your life goals.
2. Act on your plan - every day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The career of a sage is of two kinds:
He is either honored by all in the world,
Like a flower waving its head,
Or else he disappears into the silent forest.
- Lao Tzu
We have two ears and one mouth so that
we can listen twice as much as we speak.
- Epictetus
This communicating of a man's self to his friend
works two contrary effects;
for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half.
- Francis Bacon
We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous
A wise man hears one word and understands two.
- Yiddish Proverb
Peace and justice are two sides of the same coin.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
A Great Relationship is the Dance of Two Great Lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Friendship is not possible between two women
one of whom is very well dressed.
- Laurie Colwin
It takes two to speak the truth:
one to speak, and another to hear.
- Henry David Thoreau
If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa,
there are also roads that lead to their goal.
Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
- Nelson Mandela
There are two lasting bequests we can give our children
One is roots, the other is wings.
- Hodding Carter
Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.
- Aristotle
As you grow older you will discover that you have two hands.
One for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
- Audrey Hepburn
When I am getting ready to reason with a man,
I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself
and what I am going to say
and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.
- Abraham Lincoln
Unity can only be manifested by the Binary.
Unity itself and the idea of Unity are already two.
- The Buddha
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
- Aristotle
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.