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Let these funny Climb Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
To climb steep hills requires a slow pace at first.
- William Shakespeare
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Everybody is a genius.
But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree,
it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.
- Albert Einstein
If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
- Michael Jordan
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After climbing a great hill,
one only finds that there are many more hills to climb.
- Nelson Mandela
Life is not about how fast you run
or how high you climb
but how well you bounce.
- Vivian Komori
Keep close to Nature's heart...
and break clear away, once in awhile,
and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods.
Wash your spirit clean.
- John Muir
We climb the steps to nowhere - always.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Climb the mountains and get their good tidings.
- John Muir
In my case, Pilgrim's Progress consisted
in my having to climb down a thousand ladders
until I could reach out my hand
to the little clod of earth that I am.
- Carl Jung
It's wonderful to climb the liquid mountains of the sky.
Behind me and before me is God, and I have no fears.
- Helen Keller
When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most in him may be
clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
- Khalil Gibran
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
However carefully we plan our future,
we are always climbing the steps to nowhere.
While it is important to our happiness
that we have an intent for our lives,
it is equally crucial to accept in advance
that we truly have no idea how our lives will turn out -
and that is good.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Praying is important when you wake up
at two o'clock in the morning
feeling sick from eating something dumb the day before.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Having two bathrooms ruined the capacity to co-operate.
- Margaret Mead
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather
Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety
or the handle of faith.
- Henry Ward Beecher
Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.
- Khalil Gibran
Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated;
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George
Understanding is a two-way street.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Prejudice is a two-edged sword.
Like the steel sort of sword, it's very sharp, very useful,
and very dangerous if not properly mastered.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are two lasting bequests we can give our children
One is roots, the other is wings.
- Hodding Carter
It takes two to speak the truth:
one to speak, and another to hear.
- Henry David Thoreau
You can close more business in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie
We have two ears and one mouth so that
we can listen twice as much as we speak.
- Epictetus
There are two kinds of failures:
those who thought and never did,
and those who did and never thought.
- Laurence J. Peter
Two little words that can make the difference: START NOW.
- Mary C. Crowley
To live a satisfying life requires two steps...
1. Plan your life goals.
2. Act on your plan - every day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This is the answer to all questions about relationship.
When two people sing their lives in harmony,
their lives are grand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie
Friendship is one mind in two bodies.
- Mencius
You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- old proverb often attributed to David Lloyd George
If there are dreams about a beautiful South Africa,
there are also roads that lead to their goal.
Two of these roads could be named Goodness and Forgiveness.
- Nelson Mandela
At the beginning and at the end of love,
the two lovers are embarrassed to find themselves alone.
- Jean de la Bruyere
Pride comes in two flavors -
choose honor, not ego.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung
Two souls with but a single thought,
Two hearts that beat as one.
- Friedrich Halm
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I ...
I took the one less traveled by,
and that has made all the difference.
- Robert Frost
This communicating of a man's self to his friend
works two contrary effects;
for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half.
- Francis Bacon
Unity can only be manifested by the Binary.
Unity itself and the idea of Unity are already two.
- The Buddha
There are always two forces warring against each other within us.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
There are two kinds of stones,
as everyone knows,
one of which rolls.
- Amelia Earhart
As a rock star, I have two instincts,
I want to have fun, and I want to change the world.
I have a chance to do both.
- Bono
There are two things to aim at in life:
first, to get what you want,
and after that to to enjoy it.
- Logan Pearsall Smith
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
- Aristotle
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.