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Let these funny Characterize Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Confusion of goals and perfection of means seems,
in my opinion, to characterize our age.
- Albert Einstein
Today, more than ever before, life must be characterized
by a sense of Universal responsibility,
not only nation to nation and human to human,
but also human to other forms of life.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
True art is characterized by an irresistible
urge in the creative artist.
- Albert Einstein
The movie character Forrest Gump describing life
as being "like a box of chocolates,"
is such a positive upbeat way of
characterizing the uncertainty of life.
I have no idea what life will give me next,
but whatever it is, it will be sweet.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary (2001)
I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch
After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)
This town needs an enema.
- the movie Batman
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors
EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )
I've always believed that if done properly,
armed robbery doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience.
- the movie Thelma & Louise
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Don't threaten me with a dead fish.
- the movie Withnail & I (1987)
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake.
- the movie The Little Mermaid (1989)
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.
- the movie Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
What we've got here is failure to communicate.
- the movie Cool Hand Luke
I got a perfect build for clothes.
I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
- the movie Love and Death
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
I can't stand a naked light bulb.
- the movie A Streetcar Named Desire
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Go ahead, make my day.
- the movie Sudden Impact (1983)
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.