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Let these funny Century Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Genius always finds itself a century too early.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A friendship will be young after the lapse of half a century;
a passion is old at the end of three months.
- Madame Swetchine
Let the word go forth from this time and place,
to friend and foe alike,
that the torch has been passed
to a new generation of Americans -
born in this century, tempered by war,
disciplined by a hard and bitter peace.
- John F. Kennedy
The Four Stages of Public Opinion
I (Just after publication): The novelty is absurd
and subversive of Religion and Morality.
The propounder both fool and knave.
II (Twenty years later): The Novelty is absolute Truth
and will yield a full and satisfactory
explanation of things in general -
The propounder a man of sublime genius and perfect virtue.
III (Forty years later): The Novelty won't explain
things in general after all, and therefore is a wretched failure.
The propounder a very ordinary person advertised by a clique.
IV (A century later): The Novelty a mixture of truth and error.
Explains as much as could reasonably be expected.
The propounder worthy of all honor
in spite of his share of human frailties,
as one who has added to the permanent possessions of science.
- Thomas Henry [T. H.] Huxley
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Before printing was discovered,
a century was equal to a thousand years.
- Henry David Thoreau
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek
The African is my brother but he is
my younger brother by several centuries.
- Albert Schweitzer
I do not believe in the God of the theologians;
but that there is a Supreme Intelligence I do not doubt.
- Thomas Edison
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.