Enter one or two keywords to search these Funny Quotes.

Hint: keep it simple, like life twain



Facebook share   Tweet This   Email this

Funny Quotes about Life
Funny Quotes about Life | Funny Love Quotes | Links | About
Search:   A-   B-   Ca-   Co-   D-   E-   F-   G-   H-    I-    J-K-L   M-   N-O   Pa-   Pr-   Q-R   Sa-   Sk-   T-   U-V-W-X-Y-Z


Get a Humorous, Yet Insightful, Quote of the Day each day by email.
Follow funny-quotes-life.com by Email:


Funny Carpet Quotes
Funny Quotes about Carpet

Let these funny Carpet Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen

It is easier to put on slippers
than to carpet the entire world
- Al Franken

To me a lush carpet of pine needles or spongy grass
is more welcome than the most luxurious Persian rug.
- Helen Keller

Open the gates and roll out the red carpet,
for I am entering the kingdom of peace.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.

 Subscribe in a reader -- or
Enter your email address:




Delivered by FeedBurner


I want to thank my parents for everything I am today -
fat, miserable, and paranoid.
- Anonymous

I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde

When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous


 

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles H. Duell [attributed]
(Commissioner, US Patent Office, in 1899)

The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything
save our modes of thinking
and we thus drift toward unparalleled catastrophe.
- Albert Einstein

The simple life is everything Vogue isn't.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen

People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

Attitude is everything.
- Charles Swindoll

The more he became truly wise,
the more he distrusted everything he knew.
- Voltaire

I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde

If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.
- Anonymous

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
- Phyllis Diller

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe

Everything is a miracle,
not just the beautiful and lovely things.
- Anonymous

Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu

Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love.
The real miracle is the love that inspires them.
In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
- A Course in Miracles

When I see Spirit in everything, Peace is at hand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everything has beauty,
but not everyone sees it.
- Confucius

There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein

Feeling overwhelmed by apparent demands on our time
is like going to a restaurant,
ordering everything on the menu,
and complaining about indigestion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I Am One With Spirit and All Creation -
I give thanks for the unity of all creation
and for everything that has brought me to this moment.
I release my entire being to the gentle nurture of Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world,
and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Presence requires an internal alertness
to the all and everything surrounding us.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

There is nothing more depressing,
than having everything,
and still feeling sad.
- Janet Jackson

Imagination decides everything.
- Blaise Pascal

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

It is easy enough to be pleasant
When life flows by like a song,
But the man worth while is the one who will smile
When everything goes dead wrong.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Our opportunity is to Soar our Spirit.
To see Light and Joy in everything.
To spread our wings and fly boldly.
To give thanks for rainbows and butterflies -
our symbols of renewal and rebirth.
To offer daily Thanksgiving - for ourselves, our family,
our friends, our community, for the whole world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I Receive ALL of Life with Thanksgiving -
I have gratitude for EVERYTHING
that has ever occurred to bring me to this moment.
I give thanks for the joys and the sufferings,
the moments of peace and the flashes of anger,
the compassion and the indifference,
the roar of my courage and the cold sweat of my fear.
I accept gratefully the entirety of my past and my present life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

Everything that irritates us about others
can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
- Carl Jung

Everything you say and do,
is a reflection of the inner you.
- Anonymous

For everything I observe or experience,
I create a story - not sometimes, but always.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everything we believe is a matter of evolution and history.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

So divinely is the world organized that every one of us,
in our place and time, is in balance with everything else.
- Adam Acone

Better learn balance. Balance is key.
Balance good, karate good. Everything good.
Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel

In three words, I can sum up everything
I've learned about life - it goes on.
- Robert Frost

Everything we say, do, think, and feel
is a product of our personal history
and the collective history of humankind.
Our name for these histories is "prejudice."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The environment is everything that isn't me.
- Albert Einstein

Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have Gratitude for Everything
that has brought me to this moment.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Every loving thought is true.
Everything else is an appeal for healing and help,
regardless of the form it takes.
- A Course In Miracles

For everything you have missed,
you have gained something else,
and for everything you gain,
you lose something else.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Everything that we see is a shadow
cast by that which we do not see.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Everything is clearer when you're in love.
- John Lennon

Everything deep is also simple
and can be reproduced simply
as long as its reference
to the whole truth is maintained.
But what matters is not what is witty
but what is true.
- Albert Schweitzer

When I'm trusting and being myself...
everything in my life reflects this
by falling into place easily, often miraculously.
- Shakti Gawain

Everything is not as it appears to be.
- Proverb

Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything.
You are you and that is the beginning and the end -
no apologies, no regrets.
- Henry Kissinger

When we try to pick out anything by itself,
we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
- John Muir

Not everything that can be counted counts,
and not everything that counts can be counted.
- Albert Einstein

When love and hate are both absent
everything becomes clear and undisguised.
- Osho

I unconditionally forgive myself for everything
that I have ever done, said, or thought
that has caused me harm or suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

For everything you have missed,
you have gained something else.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not everything that casts a long shadow is to be feared.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You remember lesson about balance?
Lesson not just karate only. Lesson for whole life.
Whole life have a balance. Everything be better. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid

Only those who can leave behind everything they
have ever believed in can hope to escape.
- William S. Burroughs

When you expect nothing, you can
receive everything as a marvelous gift.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Thank you for visiting: Funny Carpet Quotes - Funny Quotes about Carpet.

Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.

You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.

May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


Funny Quotes

 


All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.