Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Burn Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
It's better to burn out, than to fade away.
- Neil Young
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth
or burn down your house, you can never tell.
- Joan Crawford
Yesterday is ashes.
Tomorrow is green wood.
Only today does the fire burn brightly.
- Eskimo Proverb
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
Find a place inside where there's joy,
and the joy will burn out the pain.
- Joseph Campbell
You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture.
Just get people to stop reading them.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Life is no brief candle to me.
It is a sort of splendid torch
which I have got a hold of for the moment,
and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible
before handing it on to future generations.
- George Bernard Shaw
Better do a good deed near at home
than go far away to burn incense.
- Amelia Earhart
Just as a candle cannot burn without fire,
men cannot live without a spiritual life.
- The Buddha
I would rather be ashes than dust!
I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze
than it should be stifled by dry rot.
I would rather be a superb meteor,
every atom of me in magnificent glow,
than a sleepy and permanent planet.
The proper function of man is to live, not to exist.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
I shall use my time.
- Jack London
Prayer does not use up artificial energy,
doesn't burn up any fossil fuel, doesn't pollute.
Neither does song, neither does love, neither does the dance.
- Margaret Mead
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
True Love burns the brightest,
But the brightest flames leave the deepest scars.
- Anonymous
Anger burns, resentment smolders.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Forgiveness is the cleansing fire
that burns away old regrets and resentments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Hatred burns the one who hates.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Oh my luve is like a red, red rose,
That's newly sprung in June:
Oh my luve is like the melodie,
That's sweetly play'd in tune.
- Robert Burns
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha
"I can forgive, but I cannot forget,"
is only another way of saying, I will not forgive.
Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note -
torn in two, and burned up,
so that it never can be shown against one.
- Henry Ward Beecher
You have to be an original individual;
you have to find your innermost core on your own,
with no guide, no guiding scriptures.
It is a dark night, but with the intense fire of inquiry
you are bound to come to the sunrise.
Everybody who has burned with intense inquiry
has found the sunrise.
Others only believe.
Those who believe are not religious,
they are simply avoiding the great adventure
of religion by believing.
- Osho
Every burned book enlightens the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The world is a mirror for anger,
which returns to its source as burning torment.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What is to give light must endure the burning.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
If you want a love message to be heard,
it has got to be sent out.
To keep a lamp burning,
we have to keep putting oil in it.
- Mother Teresa
Winners must have two things:
definite goals and a burning desire to achieve them.
- Anonymous
If we want a love message to be heard,
it has got to be sent out.
To keep a lamp burning,
we have to keep putting oil in it.
- Mother Teresa
Great leadership is not the visit of an unexpected fate
but rather a flame which is kept burning
in spite of the winds of risk and opposition.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Do what you love.
Know your own bone;
gnaw at it, bury it, unearth it,
and gnaw it still.
- Henry David Thoreau
Every man should have a fair-sized cemetery
in which to bury the faults of his friends.
- Henry Brooks Adams
Your pain is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the
physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink
his remedy in silence and tranquility.
- Khalil Gibran
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
- Albert Einstein
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
Don't die with your music still inside you.
Listen to your intuitive inner voice
and find what passion stirs your soul.
- Wayne Dyer
Vengeance: "It's your fault; you must pay; you must bleed."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Why wait until you're dead,
when you can create your own Hell right here and now.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
Thank you for visiting: Funny Burn Quotes - Funny Quotes about Burn.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.