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Let these funny Benevolence Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
When virtue is lost, benevolence appears,
when benevolence is lost right conduct appears,
when right conduct is lost, expedience appears.
Expediency is the mere shadow of right and truth;
it is the beginning of disorder.
- Lao Tzu
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
But friendship is precious, not only in the shade,
but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement
the greater part of life is sunshine.
- Thomas Jefferson
Today is the bridge between the past,
regarding which we unconditionally accept that
everything has occurred according to God's plan,
and a future where we place our unconditional trust
in God's omnipotence and His benevolent design for our lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.