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Let these funny Behaves Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston
History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban
How does it become a man to behave
towards the American government today?
I answer, that he cannot without disgrace be associated with it.
- Henry David Thoreau
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If the human race wishes to have a
prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity,
they have only got to behave in a
peaceful and helpful way toward one another.
- Winston Churchill
Know that the true essence of the Golden Rule
is always being compassionate, kind,
generous, and being in service to others.
Compelling others to behave as you wish
them to behave in the name of the
Golden Rule is a corruption of a sacred principle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Consider being more acceptive of your partner's behaviors.
It is unlikely that they are intentionally aggravating you.
Almost always, they are just doing what they think they should do.
Try setting aside your own rules for how they should behave,
and adopt a live-and-let-live attitude.
Your relationship will become stronger and happier if you do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you have an emotional reaction in the presence of someone,
your heart is telling you that you have
not resolved your issues with them.
In other words, you have not truly forgiven that person.
All of this begs the question, how do we forgive?
First, cease lying to yourself and stop telling yourself stories
about why you behave the way you do.
Stop blaming your behavior on other people
and take responsibility for your emotional reactions.
If you could forgive all the people in your life
who have hurt or wounded you
it would be possible to be in control of your behavior
instead of being in reaction to other people all of the time.
Imagine living life without experiencing
a constant emotional roller-coaster of pain, anger, and jealousy!
That would be bliss!
- Sheri Rosenthal
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Well-behaved women seldom make history.
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.