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Let these funny Bark Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
If you want reality to be different than it is,
you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.
- Byron Katie
If you want something to be different than it is,
you might as well teach a cat to bark.
Wanting something to be different than it is, is hopeless.
- Byron Katie
A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker.
A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.
- The Buddha
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
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Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
How many legs does a dog have
if you call the tail a leg? Four.
Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln
Some days you're the dog,
and some days you're the hydrant.
- Anonymous
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
Make a conscious choice to live
a serene and stress-free life.
Stress is always waiting just outside your door
like a vicious wild-dog.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Stress is always waiting
just outside your door
like a vicious wild-dog.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every dog has his day.
- Proverb
What counts is not necessarily
the size of the dog in the fight -
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower quoting Mark Twain
If you call a tail a leg, how many legs has a dog?
Five? No, calling a tail a leg don't make it a leg.
- Abraham Lincoln
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.