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Let these funny Bare Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
"Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
We are stripped bare by the curse of plenty.
- Winston Churchill
And on the pedestal these words appear:
`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings:
'Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley
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An architect's most useful tools are
an eraser at the drafting board,
and a wrecking bar at the site.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee
We may have our private opinions
but why should they be a bar to the meeting of hearts?
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world
doesn't mean you are wiser
than when it reached only to the end of the bar.
- Edward R. Murrow
Not all Heroes wear capes.
- On an Apple Inc. "Genius Bar" T-shirt
A leader is most effective when people barely know he exists.
When his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
his troops will feel they did it themselves.
- Lao Tzu
A leader is best when people barely know he exists;
when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say: we did it ourselves.
- Lao Tzu
A leader is best when people barely know he exists,
not so good when people obey and acclaim him,
worst when they despise him.
But of a good leader, who talks little,
when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say, "We did this ourselves."
- Lao Tzu
The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry
A person who is nice to you,
but rude to the waiter,
is not a nice person.
- Dave Barry
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Dave Barry
Your friends love you anyway.
- Dave Barry
When trouble arises and things look bad,
there is always one individual who perceives a solution
and is willing to take command.
Very often, that individual is crazy.
- Dave Barry
You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Dave Barry
When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim Soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
- William Butler Yeats
No one has been barred on account of his race
from fighting or dying for America,
there are no white or colored signs
on the foxholes or graveyards of battle.
- John F. Kennedy
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Early in life I had to choose between honest arrogance
and hypocritical humility.
I chose the former and have seen no reason to change.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
It has been my experience that folks who
have no vices, have very few virtues.
- Abraham Lincoln
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice.
In practice there is.
- Yogi Berra
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
No one was ever named "Hero" for following the crowd.
Heroes set their own course.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill
You have no values. With you its all nihilism,
cynicism, sarcasm, and orgasm.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
- Laurence J. Peter
The way to silence religious disputes is to take no notice of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.