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Funny Atheist Quotes
Funny Quotes about Atheist

Let these funny Atheist Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

I contend that we are both atheists.
I just believe in one fewer god than you do.
When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods,
you will understand why I dismiss yours.
- Stephen Roberts

Gods always behave like the people who make them.
- Zora Neale Hurston


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Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell

All gods are homemade, and it is we who pull their strings,
and so, give them the power to pull ours.
- Aldous Huxley

Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard


 

To a very young child, mommy and daddy are gods.
We spend our lives looking to regain
that sense of being cared for and protected.
Thus religion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I want to know all Gods thoughts;
all the rest are just details.
- Albert Einstein

It does me no injury for my neighbor to say
there are twenty gods or no God.
- Thomas Jefferson

When men destroy their old gods,
they will find new ones to take their place.
- Pearl S. Buck

Every people have gods to suit their circumstances.
- Henry David Thoreau

Let us be silent, that we may
hear the whispers of the gods.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Whoever undertakes to set himself up
as a judge of Truth and Knowledge
is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.
- Albert Einstein

I do not concern myself with gods and spirits
either good or evil, nor do I serve any.
- Lao Tzu

The poets are only the interpreters of the Gods.
- Socrates

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

If the human race wishes to have a
prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity,
they have only got to behave in a
peaceful and helpful way toward one another.
- Winston Churchill

How does it become a man to behave
towards the American government today?
I answer, that he cannot without disgrace be associated with it.
- Henry David Thoreau

Know that the true essence of the Golden Rule
is always being compassionate, kind,
generous, and being in service to others.
Compelling others to behave as you wish
them to behave in the name of the
Golden Rule is a corruption of a sacred principle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you have an emotional reaction in the presence of someone,
your heart is telling you that you have
not resolved your issues with them.
In other words, you have not truly forgiven that person.
All of this begs the question, how do we forgive?
First, cease lying to yourself and stop telling yourself stories
about why you behave the way you do.
Stop blaming your behavior on other people
and take responsibility for your emotional reactions.
If you could forgive all the people in your life
who have hurt or wounded you
it would be possible to be in control of your behavior
instead of being in reaction to other people all of the time.
Imagine living life without experiencing
a constant emotional roller-coaster of pain, anger, and jealousy!
That would be bliss!
- Sheri Rosenthal

Consider being more acceptive of your partner's behaviors.
It is unlikely that they are intentionally aggravating you.
Almost always, they are just doing what they think they should do.
Try setting aside your own rules for how they should behave,
and adopt a live-and-let-live attitude.
Your relationship will become stronger and happier if you do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

For my part, I consider that it will be found much better
by all parties to leave the past to history,
especially as I propose to write that history myself.
- Winston Churchill

Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.
- Winston Churchill

Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Sometimes it is said that man cannot be trusted
with the government of himself.
Can he, then be trusted with the government of others?
Or have we found angels in the form of kings to govern him?
Let history answer this question.
- Thomas Jefferson

The importance of history is in it's
educational value for our lives today,
not in regret, resentment, or revenge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Everything we believe is a matter of evolution and history.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

History is written by the victors.
- Winston Churchill

Everything we say, do, think, and feel
is a product of our personal history
and the collective history of humankind.
Our name for these histories is "prejudice."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In the long history of humankind (and animal-kind, too)
those who learned to collaborate and
improvise most effectively have prevailed.
- Charles Darwin

Well-behaved women seldom make history.
- Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Never in the field of human conflict
was so much owed by so many to so few.
- Winston Churchill

The lessons of the past provide the path to the future.
- Anonymous

The very ink with which all history
is written is merely fluid prejudice.
- Mark Twain

The limitation of riots, moral questions aside,
is that they cannot win and their participants know it.
Hence, rioting is not revolutionary but reactionary
because it invites defeat.
It involves an emotional catharsis,
but it must be followed by a sense of futility.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind
in the history of the world or to make it the last.
- John F. Kennedy

Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts.
- Edward R. Murrow

What is history but a fable agreed upon?
- Napoleon Bonaparte

We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason
if we dig deep in our history and remember
that we are not descended from fearful men,
not from men who feared to write, to speak,
to associate and to defend causes
which were for the moment unpopular.
- Edward R. Murrow

Live out of your imagination, not your history.
- Stephen Covey

Study history, study history.
In history lies all the secrets of statecraft.
- Winston Churchill

My reading of history convinces me that most bad government
results from too much government.
- Thomas Jefferson

The awareness that health is dependent
upon habits that we control
makes us the first generation in history
that to a large extent determines its own destiny.
- Jimmy Carter

I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
- Thomas Jefferson

Those that fail to learn from history
are doomed to repeat it.
- Winston Churchill

History is a relentless master.
It has no present, only the past rushing into the future.
To try to hold fast is to be swept aside.
- John F. Kennedy

The history of free men is never really written by chance
but by choice; their choice!
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

A small body of determined spirits
fired by an unquenchable faith
in their mission
can alter the course of history.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

History will have to record that the greatest tragedy
of this period of social transition
was not the strident clamor of the bad people,
but the appalling silence of the good people.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Among the many misdeeds of the British rule in India,
history will look upon the act of
depriving a whole nation of arms as the blackest.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That is why it is called Present.
- Anonymous

Thanks to television, for the first time
the young are seeing history made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead

It is remarkable how closely the history of the apple tree
is connected with that of man.
- Henry David Thoreau

The United States strongly seeks a lasting agreement
for the discontinuance of nuclear weapons tests.
We believe that this would be an important step toward reduction
of international tensions and would open the way
to further agreement on substantial measures of disarmament.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

History does not long entrust the care of freedom
to the weak or the timid.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

For the very first time the young are
seeing history being made
before it is censored by their elders.
- Margaret Mead

For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
- Virginia Woolf

We would like to live as we once lived,
but history will not permit it.
- John F. Kennedy

Who has fully realized that history
is not contained in thick books
but lives in our very blood?
- Carl Jung

Violent men have not been known in history to die to a man.
They die up to a point.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down
on the tracks of history
to wait for the train of the future to run over him.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

History, in general, only informs us of what bad government is.
- Thomas Jefferson

One truth stands firm. All that happens in world history
rests on something spiritual.
If the spiritual is strong, it creates world history.
If it is weak, it suffers world history.
- Albert Schweitzer

The new rage is to say that the government
is the cause of all our problems,
and if only we had no government, we'd have no problems.
I can tell you, that contradicts
evidence, history, and common sense.
- William J. Clinton

In the long history of the world,
only a few generations have been granted the role
of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger.
I do not shrink from this responsibility - I welcome it.
- John F. Kennedy

Geography has made us neighbors.
History has made us friends.
Economics has made us partners,
and necessity has made us allies.
Those whom God has so joined together,
let no man put asunder.
- John F. Kennedy


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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