Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Astonished Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain
Always do the right thing.
It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
- Mark Twain
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
A joke is a very serious thing.
- Winston Churchill
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
- Albert Einstein
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
- W. C. Fields
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Life is far too important a thing
ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde
The most difficult thing in the world
is to know how to do a thing
and to watch somebody else doing it wrong,
without comment.
- Theodore. H. White
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.
- Albert Einstein
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke
The Main Thing is to Keep
The Main Thing The Main Thing.
- Stephen Covey
Fear defeats more people than
any other one thing in the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing,
and should be treated with caution.
- J. K. Rowling
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
Take your life in your own hands, and what happens?
A terrible thing: no one to blame.
- Erica Jong
Worry often gives a small thing a big shadow.
- Swedish Proverb
It is a terrible thing to see and have no vision.
- Helen Keller
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations...
The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts.
They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
- Winston Churchill
To be one, to be united is a great thing.
But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
- Bono
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein
Shake structures.
School yourself.
Look twice at a thing,
once upside down.
Answer yourself clearly.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -
nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror
which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
By all means marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll be happy.
If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher
and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates
The only real valuable thing is intuition.
- Albert Einstein
Getting old is a fascination thing.
The older you get, the older you want to get.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do the thing you fear,
and death of fear is certain.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
You must do the thing that you think you cannot do.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
There is no such thing as a lovers' oath.
- Plato
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
Between believing a thing and thinking you KNOW
is only a small step and quickly taken.
- Mark Twain
Take a deep breath and do the difficult thing first.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Each man is afraid of his neighbor's disapproval -
a thing which, to the general run of the human race,
is more dreaded than wolves and death.
- Mark Twain
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself -
nameless, unreasoning, unjustified, terror.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
You have to accept whatever comes
and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage
and with the best that you have to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
A quotation is a handy thing to have about,
saving one the trouble of thinking for oneself.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
If you were a warrior,
you would know that the worst thing
one can do is confront human beings directly.
- Carlos Castaneda
The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.
- Helen Keller
But what a cruel thing is war
to separate and destroy families and friends.
- Robert E. Lee
The only thing that will redeem mankind is cooperation.
- Bertrand Russell
The most difficult thing is the decision to act,
the rest is merely tenacity.
The fears are paper tigers.
You can do anything you decide to do.
You can act to change and control your life;
and the procedure, the process is its own reward.
- Amelia Earhart
Friends love misery, in fact.
Sometimes, especially if we are too lucky
or too successful or too pretty,
our misery is the only thing that endears us to our friends.
- Erica Jong
The only thing that makes life possible
is permanent, intolerable uncertainty;
not knowing what comes next.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
I detest racialism, because I regard it as a barbaric thing,
whether it comes from a black man or a white man.
- Nelson Mandela
These men ask for just the same thing,
fairness, and fairness only.
This, so far as in my power,
they, and all others, shall have.
- Abraham Lincoln
The spirit of democracy is not a mechanical thing
to be adjusted by abolition of forms.
It requires change of heart.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing,
moving at different speeds.
A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
- William James
We may stumble, but always there is that eternal voice,
forever whispering within our ear,
that thing which causes the eternal quest,
that thing which forever sings and sings.
- Ernest Holmes
Diversity is the one true thing we all have in common.
Celebrate it every day.
- Anonymous
An association of men who will not quarrel with one another
is a thing which has never yet existed,
from the greatest confederacy of nations
down to a town meeting or a vestry.
- Thomas Jefferson
Thank you for visiting: Funny Astonished Quotes - Funny Quotes about Astonished.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.