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Let these funny Americans Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I predict future happiness for Americans
if they can prevent the government
from wasting the labors of the people
under the pretense of taking care of them.
- Thomas Jefferson
The cost of freedom is always high,
but Americans have always paid it.
And one path we shall never choose,
and that is the path of surrender, or submission.
- John F. Kennedy
You can always count on Americans to do the right thing -
after they've tried everything else.
- Winston Churchill
And so, my fellow Americans,
ask not what your country can do for you;
ask what you can do for your country.
- John F. Kennedy
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Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers.
This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated
thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves.
- Albert Einstein
Only Americans can hurt America.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Let the word go forth from this time and place,
to friend and foe alike,
that the torch has been passed
to a new generation of Americans -
born in this century, tempered by war,
disciplined by a hard and bitter peace.
- John F. Kennedy
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
- H. L. Mencken
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin
I was born on the prairies where the wind blew free
and there was nothing to break the light of the sun.
I was born where there were no enclosures.
- Geronimo
Solitude is considered un-American.
- Erica Jong
I hope that no American will waste his franchise
and throw away his vote
by voting either for me or against me solely
on account of my religious affiliation. It is not relevant.
- John F. Kennedy
I can think of nothing more boring for the American people
than to have to sit in their living rooms for a whole half hour
looking at my face on their television screens.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
If there is one principle more deeply rooted
in the mind of every American,
it is that we should have nothing to do with conquest.
- Thomas Jefferson
Treat the earth well.
It was not given to you by your parents,
it was loaned to you by your children.
We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors,
we borrow it from our Children.
- Native American traditional
I deplore the need or the use of troops anywhere
to get American citizens to obey
the orders of constituted courts.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
When we make college more affordable,
we make the American dream more achievable.
- William J. Clinton
How does it become a man to behave
towards the American government today?
I answer, that he cannot without disgrace be associated with it.
- Henry David Thoreau
Listen or your tongue will keep you deaf.
- Native American Proverb
We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts,
foreign ideas, alien philosophies, and competitive values.
For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge
the truth and falsehood in an open market
is a nation that is afraid of its people.
- John F. Kennedy
We will be known forever by the tracks we leave.
- American Indian Proverb
What has happened at Guantanamo Bay...
does not represent the will of the American people.
I'm embarrassed about it, I think its wrong.
I think it does give terrorists an unwarranted excuse
to use the despicable means to hurt innocent people.
- Jimmy Carter
We do not inherit the Earth from our ancestors,
we borrow it from our children.
- Native American Proverb
Treat the earth well,
It was not given to you by your parents,
It was loaned to you by your children.
- Native American Proverb
I give you this one thought to keep -
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the sweet uplifting rush,
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft starts that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone -
I am with you still in each new dawn.
- Traditional Native American Prayer
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Where large sums of money are concerned,
it is advisable to trust nobody.
- Agatha Christie
Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
You can't stop the music, nobody can stop the music.
- Village People
Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
- Satchel Paige
Nobody, as long as he moves about
among the chaotic currents of life,
is without trouble.
- Carl Jung
I have a great deal of company in the house,
especially in the morning when nobody calls.
- Henry David Thoreau
One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.
- Mother Teresa
Nobody has ever asked the nuclear family to live
all by itself in a box the way we do.
With no relatives, no support,
we've put it in an impossible situation.
- Margaret Mead
Nobody ever gets to see what could have been.
- the 2010 movie Charlie St. Cloud
Existence needs you.
Without you, something will be missing
in existence and nobody can replace it.
Thats what gives you dignity,
that the whole existence will miss you.
- Osho
Nobody cares how much you know,
until they know how much you care.
- attributed to Theodore Roosevelt, among others,
but probably earlier and anonymous
A somebody was once a nobody who wanted to and did.
- John Burroughs
An error does not become truth
by reason of multiplied propagation,
nor does truth become error because nobody sees it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment
before starting to improve the world.
- Anne Frank
Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
- Dave Barry
Do what nobody else can do for you.
Omit to do anything else.
- Henry David Thoreau
Sing like no one's listening,
love like you've never been hurt,
dance like nobody's watching,
and live like its heaven on earth.
- Mark Twain
We are not going to be able
to operate our Spaceship Earth
successfully nor for much longer
unless we see it as a whole spaceship
and our fate as common.
It has to be everybody or nobody.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Nobody needs your help.
I know, I know, this is a difficult one. But it is true.
This does not mean no one wants your help,
or that no one could use your help.
It simply means the thought that another
Aspect of Divinity is powerless without you is inaccurate.
- Neale Donald Walsch
There is nobody in this country who got rich on their own. Nobody. You built a factory out there - good for you. But I want to be clear. You moved your goods to market on roads the rest of us paid for. You hired workers the rest of us paid to educate. You were safe in your factory because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn't have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize everything at your factory... Now look. You built a factory and it turned into something terrific or a great idea - God bless! Keep a hunk of it. But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of that and pay forward for the next kid who comes along."
- Elizabeth Warren
The basic thing nobody asks is
why do people take drugs of any sort?
Why do we have these accessories to normal living to live?
I mean, is there something wrong with society
that's making us so pressurized,
that we cannot live without guarding ourselves against it?
- John Lennon
In this world, the greatest courage is to drop the mind aside.
The bravest man is who can see the world
without the barrier of the mind, just as it is.
It is tremendously different, utterly beautiful.
There is nobody who is inferior and there is nobody who is superior -
there are no distinctions.
- Osho
A fool is one who goes on trusting;
a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
You deceive him, and he trusts you;
and you deceive him again, and he trusts you;
and you deceive him again, and he trusts you.
Then you will say that he is a fool, he does not learn.
His trust is tremendous; his trust is
so pure that nobody can corrupt it.
Be a fool in the Taoist sense, in the Zen sense.
Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around you.
Whatsoever experience comes to you,
let it happen, and then go on dropping it.
Go on cleaning your mind continuously;
go on dying to the past so you remain in the present here-now,
as if just born, just a babe.
- Osho
Time expands like a brightly colored balloon
when it is filled with joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
- Sydney Harris
Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in.
- Henry David Thoreau
Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.