Let these funny Altogether Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
In choosing joy, the finish line dissolves
into a different matter altogether.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I know, to banish anger altogether
from one's breast is a difficult task.
It cannot be achieved through pure personal effort.
It can be done only by God's grace.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The pains of childbirth were altogether different
from the enveloping effects of other kinds of pain.
These were pains one could follow with one's mind.
- Margaret Mead
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Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain
It doesn't matter who my father was.
It matters who I remember he was.
- Anne Sexton
My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
- William Shakespeare
My father considered a walk among the mountains
as the equivalent of churchgoing.
- Aldous Huxley
Dear Father in heaven, I'm not a praying man,
but if you're up there and you can hear me ...
show me the way... show me the way.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
When a father gives to his son, both laugh;
when a son gives to his father, both cry.
- William Shakespeare
The most important thing a father
can do for his children
is to love their mother.
- Henry Ward Beecher
So your father, or your mother,
never thought you were good enough - SO WHAT?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon
The child in me could not die as it should have died,
because according too legends it must find its father again.
The old legends knew, perhaps, that in absence
the father becomes glorified, deified, eroticized,
and this outrage against God the Father has to be atoned for.
The human father has to be confronted and recognized as human,
as man who created a child and then, by his absence,
left the child fatherless and then Godless.
- Anais Nin
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
Are we there yet? are we there yet? are we there yet?
- said by Donkey in the movie Shrek 2
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent.
What you lack, is the capacity.
- said by Shrek in the movie Shrek 2
Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away.
- the movie Shrek 2
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick
All our dreams can come true,
if we have the courage to pursue them.
- Walt Disney
Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln
If you come to a fork in the road, take it.
- Yogi Berra
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
"The time has come," the walrus said, "to talk of many things:
of shoes and ships - and sealing wax - of cabbages and kings."
- Lewis Carroll
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
Clouds come floating into my life,
no longer to carry rain or usher storm,
but to add color to my sunset sky.
- Rabindranath Tagore
The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned,
so as to have the life that is waiting for us.
The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.
- Joseph Campbell
In spite of unseasonable wind, snow
and unexpected weather of all sorts -
a gardener still plants.
And tends what they have planted ...
believing that Spring will come.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate.
- Socrates
The fastest way to destroy love
is to make a goal out of it,
because people who are trying to be loved
come from a place that they're not loved.
- Werner Erhard
Being angry is as close as a human being
can come to experiencing hell on earth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The secret of making dreams come true
can be summarized in four C's.
They are Curiosity, Confidence, Courage, and Constancy;
and the greatest of these is Confidence.
- Walt Disney
Don't ask yourself what the world needs;
ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Howard Thurman
Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people stay for awhile,
and move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to a new understanding,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.
- Flavia Weedn
Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind
Youth, large, lusty, loving -
Youth, full of grace, force, fascination.
Do you know that Old Age may come after you
with equal grace, force, fascination?
- Walt Whitman
Take the initiative - don't wait for life to come to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you.
You have to go to them sometimes.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Well, when you come down to it,
I don't see that a reporter could do much to a president, do you?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Guys are like stars, there are millions of them,
but only one to make your dreams come true.
- Anonymous
If I keep a green bough in my heart the singing bird will come.
- Chinese proverb
The WAY is Not The Way for You,
Unless You Come With an Open Mind,
Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The sun WILL come up tomorrow.
- Anonymous
We may have all come on different ships,
but we're in the same boat now.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
If you're totally illiterate and living on one dollar a day,
the benefits of globalization never come to you.
- Jimmy Carter
Nirvana is not the blowing out of the candle.
It is the extinguishing of the flame because day is come.
- Rabindranath Tagore
When we come into the present,
we begin to feel the life around us again,
but we also encounter whatever we have been avoiding.
We must have the courage to face whatever is present -
our pain, our desires, our grief,
our loss, our secret hopes our love -
everything that moves us most deeply.
- Jack Kornfield
If we spend the time we waste in sighing
for the perfect golden fruit
in fulfilling the conditions of its growth,
happiness will come, must come.
It is guaranteed in the very laws of the universe.
If it involves some chastening and renunciation, well,
the fruit will be all the sweeter for this touch of holiness.
- Helen Keller
Communism has never come to power in a country
that was not disrupted by war or corruption, or both.
- John F. Kennedy
We tend to forget that happiness doesn't
come as a result of getting something we don't have,
but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.
- Frederick Koenig
Come to the edge
We can't. We're afraid
We can't. We will fall. Come to the edge
And they came. And he pushed them
And they flew
- Guillaume Apollinaire
The way to do fieldwork is never to
come up for air until it is all over.
- Margaret Mead
If a warrior is to succeed at anything,
the success must come gently,
with a great deal of effort but with no stress or obsession.
- Carlos Castaneda
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness,
and the word happy would lose its meaning
if it were not balanced by sadness.
It is far better take things as they come along
with patience and equanimity.
- Carl Jung
We come nearest to the great
when we are great in humility.
- Rabindranath Tagore
As long as one keeps searching, the answers come.
- Joan Baez
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.