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Let these funny Afterwards Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.
- Benjamin Franklin
A politician needs the ability to
foretell what is going to happen
tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year.
And to have the ability afterwards
to explain why it didn't happen.
- Winston Churchill
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Experience is a hard teacher.
She gives the test first
and the lessons afterwards.
- Anonymous
We shape our dwellings, and afterwards
our dwellings shape us.
- Winston Churchill
The whole art of teaching is only the art
of awakening the natural curiosity
of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
- Anatole France
I have no dress except the one I wear every day.
If you are going to be kind enough to give me one,
please let it be practical and dark
so that I can put it on afterwards to go to the laboratory.
- Marie Curie
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken
Self-disciplined begins with the mastery of your thoughts.
If you don't control what you think,
you can't control what you do.
Simply, self-discipline enables you
to think first and act afterward.
- Napoleon Hill
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.