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Let these funny Abhorrent Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Bodily decay is gloomy in prospect,
but of all human contemplations,
the most abhorrent is body without mind.
- Thomas Jefferson
Nothing can be more abhorrent to democracy
than to imprison a person
or keep him in prison because he is unpopular.
This is really the test of civilization.
- Winston Churchill
I abhor war and view it as the greatest scourge of mankind.
- Thomas Jefferson
To compel a man to furnish funds for the propagation of ideas
he disbelieves and abhors is sinful and tyrannical.
- Thomas Jefferson
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Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.