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Let these funny 1899 Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
- Charles H. Duell [attributed]
(Commissioner, US Patent Office, in 1899)
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists?
In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
- Woody Allen
I want to thank my parents for everything I am today -
fat, miserable, and paranoid.
- Anonymous
Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
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Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything
save our modes of thinking
and we thus drift toward unparalleled catastrophe.
- Albert Einstein
The more he became truly wise,
the more he distrusted everything he knew.
- Voltaire
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
- Phyllis Diller
The simple life is everything Vogue isn't.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Attitude is everything.
- Charles Swindoll
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
- Woody Allen
If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.
- Anonymous
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Everything has beauty,
but not everyone sees it.
- Confucius
Everything is a miracle,
not just the beautiful and lovely things.
- Anonymous
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe
When I see Spirit in everything, Peace is at hand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love.
The real miracle is the love that inspires them.
In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
- A Course in Miracles
Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.
- Lao Tzu
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Maybe I could have loved you better.
Maybe you should have loved me more.
Maybe our hearts were just next in line.
Maybe everything breaks sometime.
- Jewel
Imagination decides everything.
- Blaise Pascal
In three words, I can sum up everything
I've learned about life - it goes on.
- Robert Frost
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
It is easy enough to be pleasant
When life flows by like a song,
But the man worth while is the one who will smile
When everything goes dead wrong.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Our opportunity is to Soar our Spirit.
To see Light and Joy in everything.
To spread our wings and fly boldly.
To give thanks for rainbows and butterflies -
our symbols of renewal and rebirth.
To offer daily Thanksgiving - for ourselves, our family,
our friends, our community, for the whole world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
For everything I observe or experience,
I create a story - not sometimes, but always.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Christmas waves a magic wand over this world,
and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.
- Norman Vincent Peale
Feeling overwhelmed by apparent demands on our time
is like going to a restaurant,
ordering everything on the menu,
and complaining about indigestion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Everything that irritates us about others
can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
- Carl Jung
Better learn balance. Balance is key.
Balance good, karate good. Everything good.
Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?
- Miyagi: character in the movie Karate Kid
So divinely is the world organized that every one of us,
in our place and time, is in balance with everything else.
- Adam Acone
I Receive ALL of Life with Thanksgiving -
I have gratitude for EVERYTHING
that has ever occurred to bring me to this moment.
I give thanks for the joys and the sufferings,
the moments of peace and the flashes of anger,
the compassion and the indifference,
the roar of my courage and the cold sweat of my fear.
I accept gratefully the entirety of my past and my present life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Everything you say and do,
is a reflection of the inner you.
- Anonymous
Everything we believe is a matter of evolution and history.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I Am One With Spirit and All Creation -
I give thanks for the unity of all creation
and for everything that has brought me to this moment.
I release my entire being to the gentle nurture of Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is nothing more depressing,
than having everything,
and still feeling sad.
- Janet Jackson
Everything we say, do, think, and feel
is a product of our personal history
and the collective history of humankind.
Our name for these histories is "prejudice."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Presence requires an internal alertness
to the all and everything surrounding us.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Tradition is like a second-hand store.
It is best to sort carefully
between the treasures and the trash.
See everything with new eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I always like to know everything about my new friends,
and nothing about my old ones.
- Oscar Wilde
Each of us is burdened by an unlimited number of
expectations (demands) that we hold for the actions of others.
We "know" that there is a right way to do things,
and are often outraged when our expectations are not met.
Usually, we are unaware that we merely
have a strong opinion and point-of-view,
and are sure that we know how everything is supposed to be.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Not everything that can be counted counts,
and not everything that counts can be counted.
- Albert Einstein
To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die.
- Ecclesiastes 3:1
What if we just acted like everything was easy?
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Sacrifice everything, and give up nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Public sentiment is everything.
With public sentiment, nothing can fail.
Without it, nothing can succeed.
- Abraham Lincoln
The Universe is one great kindergarten for man.
Everything that exists has brought
with it its own peculiar lesson.
- Orison Swett Marden
The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once.
- Albert Einstein
Integrity is the essence of everything successful.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
All things appear and disappear
because of the concurrence of causes and conditions.
Nothing ever exists entirely alone;
everything is in relation to everything else.
- The Buddha
Everything has rhythm. everything dances.
- Maya Angelou
Nearly everything you do is of no importance,
but it is important that you do it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
When you are winning a war
almost everything that happens
can be claimed to be right and wise.
- Winston Churchill
Everything popular is wrong.
- Oscar Wilde
Inside most people there's a feeling of being separate,
separated from everything ... And they're not.
They're part of absolutely everyone, and everything.
- the movie Powder
To know everything is to know nothing,
but to know nothing is to know everything.
- Confucius
In true friendship, one can express
anything and everything without feeling ashamed
or afraid of being rejected.
- Aparna Chatterjee
It is hard to interest those who have everything,
in those who have nothing.
- Helen Keller
The moment there is suspicion about a person's motives,
everything he does becomes tainted.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Everything is not as it appears to be.
- Proverb
All differences in this world
are of degree, and not of kind,
because oneness is the secret of everything.
- Swami Vivekananda
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.