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Thank you, God, for this good life
by Garrison Keillor

Thank you, God, for this good life
and forgive us if we do not love it enough.
- Garrison Keillor

God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor

Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor

Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor


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We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor

Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2

I want to thank my parents for everything I am today -
fat, miserable, and paranoid.
- Anonymous


 

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was,
Thank you, that would suffice.
- Meister Eckhart

Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste
the sky as well as the earth.
- Henry David Thoreau

I am a self-centered spoiled-rotten brat,
Thank you for nurturing me.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a nurturing mother,
when you just remember to say "thank you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died.
Rather we should thank God that such men lived.
- George S. Patton

Thank you for joining me on this journey we call Life,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I thank Spirit for EVERYTHING
that has brought me to this moment,
and entrust my entire being
to the gentle nurture of Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Good morning!" he said at last.
"We don't want any adventures here, thank you!
You might try over The Hill or across The Water."
- J. R. R. Tolkien

Know the power of saying, "Thank you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I thank you God for this most amazing day,
for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and for the blue dream of sky
and for everything which is natural,
which is infinite, which is yes.
- e. e. cummings

I take every opportunity to articulate to others
the ways that they have blessed and influenced me.
I hold sweet memories of making the opportunity
to thank teachers who have influenced me.
I encourage everyone to seize opportunities
to tell people who have made a gift of knowledge or influence.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

It is my choice to care deeply about others.
No kindness is too small to be important -
the smile to the bank teller,
the sincere "thank you" for all kindnesses received,
the reassuring hand on the shoulder of a loved one or friend.
There is compassion in selfless generosity,
but there is also compassion in heartfelt empathy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I thank God for my handicaps, for through them,
I have found myself, my work and my God.
- Helen Keller

Every man in his lifetime needs to thank his faults.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain

If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)

Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer

When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)

Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman

You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)

New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)

Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash

When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
- Mark Twain


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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