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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
- Mark Twain
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
The Lord prefers common-looking people.
That is why he makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be smarter than other people, just don't tell them so.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White
Do something wonderful, people may imitate it.
- Albert Schweitzer
People living their lives for you on TV;
They say they're better than you, and you agree.
- Jewel
The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money
they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
- Anonymous
Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers
These capitalists generally act harmoniously and in concert,
to fleece the people.
- Abraham Lincoln
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
- Napoleon Bonaparte
People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow
People who are wrapped up in themselves make small packages.
- Benjamin Franklin
I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates
If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder
Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
- Charles M. Schulz
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.