The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music. ... by George Carlin

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music. ...
by George Carlin

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin

Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin

Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

A doctor can bury his mistakes
but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Boys will be boys. And even that wouldn't matter
if only we could prevent girls from being girls.
- Anne Frank

The physician can bury his mistakes,
but the architect can only advise his client to plant vines -
so they should go as far as possible from home
to build their first buildings.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely
only after they have exhausted all other alternatives.
- Abba Eban

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller

If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Magic is natural to Wizards,
and only a little harder for the rest of us.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham

Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson

The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill

Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln

I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates

The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
- Albert Einstein

There is no such thing as public opinion.
There is only published opinion.
- Winston Churchill

There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham

The attempt to combine wisdom and power
has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.
- Albert Einstein

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill

Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis

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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music. ...by George Carlin

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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music. ...
by George Carlin