Facebook share Tweet This Email this
I am no longer young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde 
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
Always forgive your enemies -
nothing annoys them so much.
- Oscar Wilde
I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
Consistency is the last refuge of the unimaginative.
- Oscar Wilde
By giving us the opinions of the uneducated,
journalism keeps us in touch
with the ignorance of the community.
- Oscar Wilde
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people
by the people for the people.
- Oscar Wilde
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
In all matters of opinion,
our adversaries are insane.
- Oscar Wilde
Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde
I am so clever that sometimes I don't
understand a single word of what I am saying.
- Oscar Wilde
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
- Oscar Wilde
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Some cause happiness wherever they go;
others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is far too important a thing
ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
Familiarity breeds consent.
- Oscar Wilde
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
- Oscar Wilde
Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.
- Oscar Wilde
Hatred is blind, as well as love.
- Oscar Wilde
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live,
it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.
- Oscar Wilde
Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship,
and it is far the best ending for one.
- Oscar Wilde
I always like to know everything about my new friends,
and nothing about my old ones.
- Oscar Wilde
The smallest act of kindness
is worth more than the grandest intention.
- Oscar Wilde
An idea that is not dangerous is
unworthy of being called an idea at all.
- Oscar Wilde
Everything popular is wrong.
- Oscar Wilde
Who, being loved, is poor?
- Oscar Wilde
A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.
- Oscar Wilde
Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend,
but it requires a very fine nature
to sympathize with a friend's success.
- Oscar Wilde
The value of an idea has nothing whatsoever
to do with the sincerity of the man who expresses it.
- Oscar Wilde
A mask tells us more than a face.
- Oscar Wilde
If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it,
I should not mind a bit.
but if a friend of mine had a sorrow
and refused to allow me to share it,
I should feel it most bitterly.
If he shut the doors of the house of mourning against me,
I would move back again and again and beg to be admitted
so that I might share in what I was entitled to share.
If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him,
I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation.
- Oscar Wilde
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
When I eventually met Mr. Right
I had no idea that his first name was Always.
- Rita Rudner
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
No problem is so formidable that
you can't walk away from it.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Thank you for visiting: I am no longer young enough to know everything. ... by Oscar Wilde.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.