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Let these funny Wilson Mizner Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
The best way to keep your friends
is not to give them away.
- Wilson Mizner
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain 
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
I am easily satisfied with the very best.
- Winston Churchill
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Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
If you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- Somerset Maugham
We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
That's what Tiggers do best!
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.
- Jacqueline Schiff
The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill
Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous
Short words are best
and the old words, when short, are best of all.
- Winston Churchill
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln
Testing oneself is best when done alone.
- Jimmy Carter
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz
You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Know the best and highest choices for health
and more often choose those things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
If we like what we do, if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored,
we don't have frustrations.
- don Miguel Ruiz
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie
The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep.
- E. Joseph Cossman
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank
Today is a day to cover your best weapons in velvet.
Go gently into the world.
Hold your anger.
Keep your competitive spirit in check.
Some day you will need your fierce weapons,
but not today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best way to gain self-confidence
is to do what you are afraid to do.
- Anonymous
The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould
Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Be prepared for life -
to live happily and without regret,
knowing that you have done your best.
- the Boy Scout Handbook
You have to accept whatever comes
and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage
and with the best that you have to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this,
we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life
is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.
- Albert Einstein
I do my best and accept life as it comes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best things in life are free.
- Anonymous
An optimist is one who makes the best
of what he gets the worst of.
- Anonymous
The best political, social, and spiritual work we can do
is to withdraw the projection of our shadow onto others.
- Carl Jung
Luck marches with those who give their very best.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Borrowing knowledge of reality from all sources,
taking the best from every study,
Science of Mind brings together
the highest enlightenment of the ages.
- Ernest Holmes
Life is a journey. It is not a race to test
who can finish first or who can end up with the most loot.
Rather, life is best enjoyed as a meander -
watching the view to left and right - above and below -
as the days slowly move past in dress review.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The season of failure is the best time
for sowing the seeds of success.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
Do the best you can. Be proud of your accomplishments -
without comparing yourself to others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We have the power to make this the best generation of mankind
in the history of the world or to make it the last.
- John F. Kennedy
I can not believe that war
is the best solution.
No one won the last war,
and no one will win the next war.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
In the struggle for survival,
the fittest win out at the expense of their rivals
because they succeed in adapting
themselves best to their environment.
- Charles Darwin
If a man empties his purse into his head,
no man can take it away from him.
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
- Benjamin Franklin
The best cure for our own self-inflicted suffering
is often service to others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Success often grows best in the fertile soil of failure.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When the best leader's work is done the people say,
"We did it ourselves."
- Lao Tzu
The fox has many tricks.
The hedgehog has but one.
But that is the best of all.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Be the best that you can be.
- Anonymous
The best effort of a fine person
is felt after we have left their presence.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.