Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Whoopi Goldberg Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
- Whoopi Goldberg
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
Grief is a normal and natural response to loss.
It is originally an unlearned feeling process.
Keeping grief inside increases your pain.
- Anne Grant
The basic thing nobody asks is
why do people take drugs of any sort?
Why do we have these accessories to normal living to live?
I mean, is there something wrong with society
that's making us so pressurized,
that we cannot live without guarding ourselves against it?
- John Lennon
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Thank you for visiting: Whoopi Goldberg Quotes - Funny Quotes by Whoopi Goldberg.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.