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Thomas Edison Quotes
Funny Quotes by Thomas Edison

Let these funny Thomas Edison Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

If we all did the things we are capable of doing,
we would literally astound ourselves.
- Thomas Edison

Opportunity is missed by most people
because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.
- Thomas Edison

Genius is one percent inspiration
and ninety-nine percent perspiration.
- Thomas Edison

Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.
The most certain way to succeed
is always to try just one more time.
- Thomas A. Edison


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I have not failed.
I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.
- Thomas Edison

I have friends in overalls
whose friendship I would not swap
for the favor of the kings of the world.
- Thomas A. Edison

I do not believe in the God of the theologians;
but that there is a Supreme Intelligence I do not doubt.
- Thomas Edison


 

There is no substitute for hard work.
- Thomas Edison

Many of life's failures are people who did not realize
how close they were to success when they gave up.
- Thomas Edison

Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

If we were meant to be happy,
why did God create war, hunger, and the 11 o'clock news?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

True believers just don't see things the way they are,
because if they did, they wouldn't be true believers anymore.
- Philip Caputo

People will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou PHOTO

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed
by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do.
So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover.
- widely misattributed to Mark Twain PHOTO

If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant.
If we did not sometimes taste of adversity,
prosperity would not be so welcome.
- Anne Bradstreet PHOTO

We did not change as we grew older;
we just became more clearly ourselves.
- Lynn Hall

If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr. PHOTO

The course of true love never did run smooth.
- William Shakespeare

A man who views the world the same at fifty
as he did at twenty
has wasted thirty years of his life.
- Muhammad Ali

Guilt says I've done something wrong;
... shame says there is something wrong with me.
Guilt says I've made a mistake;
... shame says I am a mistake.
Guilt says what did was not good;
... shame says I am no good.
- John Bradshaw

I did not wish to take a cabin passage,
but rather to go before the mast
and on the deck of the world,
for there I could best see
the moonlight amid the mountains.
I do not wish to go below now.
- Henry David Thoreau

Never forget that everything Hitler did in Germany was legal.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

We did not raise armies for glory or for conquest.
- Thomas Jefferson

A leader is best when people barely know he exists;
when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say: we did it ourselves.
- Lao Tzu

Every day I give thanks that I am me,
and that everything that has ever occurred in my life
happened exactly as it did -
however unpleasant it may have appeared at the time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Every man casts a shadow;
not his body only, but his imperfectly mingled spirit.
This is his grief. Let him turn which way he will,
it falls opposite to the sun;
short at noon, long at eve. Did you never see it?
- Henry David Thoreau

I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou

Never say or do anything you wouldn't want
to be the last thing you ever said or did.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day,
if I did not laugh I should die.
- Abraham Lincoln

Future generations are not going to ask us
what political party were you in.
They are going to ask what did you do about it,
when you knew the glaciers were melting.
- Martin Sheen

If I hadn't met you, I wouldn't like you.
If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you.
If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you.
But I did, I do, and I will.
- Anonymous

There are two kinds of failures:
those who thought and never did,
and those who did and never thought.
- Laurence J. Peter

A somebody was once a nobody who wanted to and did.
- John Burroughs

The thing the sixties did was to show us the possibilities
and the responsibility that we all had.
It wasn't the answer.
It just gave us a glimpse of the possibility.
- John Lennon

The crops were planted, tended, and harvested -
now the ground lies fallow, awaiting the new planting.
Did the year fail? I think not.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A leader is most effective when people barely know he exists.
When his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
his troops will feel they did it themselves.
- Lao Tzu

As for accomplishments,
I just did what I had to do as things came along.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

When the best leader's work is done the people say,
"We did it ourselves."
- Lao Tzu

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time;
it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.
- Sydney Harris

Success comes from knowing that
you did your best to become the best
that you are capable of becoming.
- John Wooden

Sometimes you get the results you wanted,
sometimes you don't.
What matters is that you did your best.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

America did not invent human rights.
In a very real sense, it is the other way around.
Human rights invented America.
- Jimmy Carter

The wicked leader is he who the people despise.
The good leader is he who the people revere.
The great leader is he who the people say, "We did it ourselves."
- Lao Tzu

There is no doubt that life can be a bumpy ride.
But so were those roller coasters you loved as a kid.
Savor the adventure.
Find excitement in the uncertainty and the constant change.
Even let a touch of fear add spice to your life -
as you did on that roller coaster.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is much more painful to have lost
something you thought you had,
than never to have had it at all.
If feels as if our trust was dashed.
We are disappointed and we are angry;
but not quite sure at who to direct our anger.
Someone, perhaps "the system," perhaps God,
should have done better.
Most of all we are angry at ourselves -
even though we did our best -
and we are afraid.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Jesus preached more and taught more
about helping the poor and the sick and the hungry
than he did about heaven and hell.
Shouldn't that tell us something?
- John Grisham

A leader is best when people barely know he exists,
not so good when people obey and acclaim him,
worst when they despise him.
But of a good leader, who talks little,
when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say, "We did this ourselves."
- Lao Tzu

I recognize that the person I was in my past
is not the person I am today.
That person did the very best they could,
given the knowledge, emotions, and prior experience
they had to draw upon at the time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Well, it seems to me that the best relationships -
the ones that last -
are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship.
You know, one day you look at the person
and you see something more than you did the night before.
Like a switch has been flicked somewhere.
And the person who was just a friend is...
suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.
- Dana Scully

Where am I? Who am I? How did I come to be here?
What is this thing called the world?
How did I come into the world?
Why was I not consulted?
And If I am compelled to take part in it,
Where is the director? I want to see him.
- Soren Kierkegaard

I honor you, Hero, for you do not play to the crowd.
You play to your own soul.
An audience of one fills the house with its appreciation and applause.
Others follow you, and may attempt to emulate you,
but that is not why you are a hero.
Fame may smile upon you, or it may not.
The world may cheer your name, or you may be the unknown warrior
who rescued comrades in battle,
or taught a young girl how to shed tears of joy.
Whatever you did, you did not do for fame.
If you had, you would not be a Hero.
You are a Hero for your bold courageous inspired action.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

This [the Holocaust] must never happen again. ...
Be vigilant about your rights.
Care about the rights and human dignity of others.
When the rights of any group, no matter how small,
no matter how marginal, are violated,
your liberty, your freedom is put at risk.
Let there never be a day when we cast about in horror
and have to ask the question, "How did it ever come to this?"
- Thomas Childers, Ph.D., Professor of History,
University of Pennsylvania, in the closing remarks
of his six-hour Teaching Company audio lecture series

It was like being in the eye of a hurricane.
You'd wake up in a concert and think,
Wow, how did I get here?
- John Lennon

Regrets and their cousins, resentments,
are a huge cause of self-inflicted suffering.
Sometimes it takes years of psychotherapy
to gain freedom from regrets about what you did or did not do,
and freedom from resentment over what others did or did not do.
Sometimes it takes a lifetime of self-talk to remember
to put the past in the past where it belongs.
However, sometimes a simple symbolic act can help immeasurably
to grant ourselves freedom from the past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it,
I should not mind a bit.
but if a friend of mine had a sorrow
and refused to allow me to share it,
I should feel it most bitterly.
If he shut the doors of the house of mourning against me,
I would move back again and again and beg to be admitted
so that I might share in what I was entitled to share.
If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him,
I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation.
- Oscar Wilde

I Did Not Die
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn's rain,
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
- Anonymous

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Where large sums of money are concerned,
it is advisable to trust nobody.
- Agatha Christie

Where there's a will, there's a way.
- old English proverb

Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The jump is so frightening
between where I am,
and where I want to be.
Because of all I may become,
I will close my eyes and leap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Everyone who got where he is,
had to begin where he was.
- Richard L. Evans

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin

Lord, where we are wrong,
make us willing to change;
where we are right,
make us easy to live with.
- Peter Marshall

You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it,
or who said it, no matter if I have said it,
unless it agrees with your own reason
and your own common sense.
- The Buddha


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.