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Let these funny The Simpsons Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Just because I don't care,
doesn't mean I don't understand.
- Matt Groening's TV series The Simpsons.
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I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner 
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
I am prepared to meet my Maker.
Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal
of meeting me is another matter.
- Winston Churchill
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
- John Lennon
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
- Lewis Carroll
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
New York City is a great monument
to the power of money and greed...
a race for rent.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality
by contact with this great novel land of yours
which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
- Winston Churchill
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Silence is a source of great strength.
- Lao Tzu
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Great minds discuss ideas;
average minds discuss events;
small minds discuss people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I have a great deal of company in the house,
especially in the morning when nobody calls.
- Henry David Thoreau
Dare to dream of your great success.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The great end of life is not knowledge but action.
- Thomas Henry Huxley
Life in abundance comes only through great love.
- Elbert Hubbard
I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks
as if they were great and noble.
- Helen Keller
Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation
can be trusted to act humanely
or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.
- Bertrand Russell
In great contests, each party claims to act
in accordance with the will of God.
Both may be, and one must be wrong.
- Abraham Lincoln
If a man is called to be a street sweeper,
he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted,
or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry.
He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts
of heaven and earth will pause to say,
here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubbornness
of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed.
- Albert Einstein
Having a personal opinion is great.
Believing that one's personal opinion is absolute truth
leads to most of the world's troubles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Don't be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.
- John D. Rockefeller
You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!
- Dr. Seuss
Mostly, it is human to dislike surprises -
often with great intensity.
Be open to new ways;
sometimes newness just knocks on our door;
welcome it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To be one, to be united is a great thing.
But to respect the right to be different is maybe even greater.
- Bono
Life is a great big canvas,
and you should throw all the paint you can on it.
- Danny Kaye
Regrets and resentments cause great suffering but fix nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Dare to dream of your great success.
Become intimate with those things
which deeply motivate you
and regularly work toward
the realization of that mission.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
No crime is so great as daring to excel.
- Winston Churchill
Self-confidence is the first requisite to great undertakings.
- Samuel Johnson
Man becomes great exactly in the degree
in which he works for the welfare of his fellow-men.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The Universe is one great kindergarten for man.
Everything that exists has brought
with it its own peculiar lesson.
- Orison Swett Marden
Enthusiasm is the mother of effort,
and without it nothing great was ever achieved.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Great spirits have always encountered
violent opposition from mediocre minds.
- Albert Einstein
Govern a great nation as you would cook a small fish.
Do not overdo it.
- Lao Tzu
That some achieve great success,
is proof to all that others can achieve it as well.
- Abraham Lincoln
Wealth consists not in having great possessions,
but in having few wants.
- Epictetus
To be oneself is a rare thing, and a great one.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Do the difficult things while they are easy
and do the great things while they are small.
A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.
- Lao Tzu
It is only the great-hearted who can be true friends.
The mean and cowardly can never know what true friendship means.
- Charles Kingsley
People with great gifts are easy to find,
but symmetrical and balanced ones never.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Trust men and they will be true to you;
treat them greatly and they will show themselves great.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The great defense against the air menace
is to attack the enemy's aircraft
as near as possible to their point of departure.
- Winston Churchill
Most people say that is it is the intellect
which makes a great scientist.
They are wrong: it is character.
- Albert Einstein
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds,
adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines.
With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. -
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A little neglect may breed great mischief.
- Benjamin Franklin
I welcome change as a great adventure.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Great men or men of great gifts
you shall easily find,
but symmetrical men never.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We come nearest to the great
when we are great in humility.
- Rabindranath Tagore
To lead a great life:
Dream, Take Action, Repeat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
No great man ever complains of want of opportunity.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Unconditional war can no longer lead to unconditional victory.
It can no longer serve to settle disputes...
can no longer be of concern to great powers alone.
- John F. Kennedy
Until you'll willing to look foolish,
you'll never have the possibility of being great.
- Cher
One of the surest ways to cause
yourself great suffering
is to insist upon being right -
to demand that all others view life
exactly as you view it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Governing a great nation is like cooking a small fish -
too much handling will spoil it.
- Lao Tzu
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.