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Let these funny The Bridge On The River Kwai Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.