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Let these funny Talmud Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Every blade of grass has an angel
that bends over it and whispers, "grow! grow!
- Talmud
The whole worth of a kind deed is
in the love that inspires it.
- The Talmud
That which is hateful to you,
do not do to your fellow.
That is the whole Torah;
the rest is the explanation.
- Talmud (Jewish Wisdom)
Who forces time is pushed back by time;
who yields to time finds time on his side.
- The Talmud
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Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer
Remember that life is an ADVENTURE, and cheer Whee...
all the way down the slippery razor-blade of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is not work that kills men; it is worry.
Worry is rust upon the blade.
- Henry Ward Beecher
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade.
It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
- Rabindranath Tagore
If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy,
if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you,
if the simple things in nature have a message you understand,
Rejoice, for your soul is alive.
- Eleanora Duse
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
A fool and his money are soon elected.
- Will Rogers
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
- Albert Einstein
The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon,
but that we wait so long to begin it.
- Anonymous
As soon as there is life there is danger.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am but a grain of sand on the beach of life.
My footprints in the sands of time soon wash away.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Truth is by nature self-evident.
As soon as you remove the cobwebs of ignorance
that surround it, it shines clear.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A people that values its privileges
above its principles
soon loses both.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
As soon as man does not take his existence for granted,
but beholds it as something
unfathomably mysterious, thought begins.
- Albert Schweitzer
If a man does not make new acquaintances
as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself alone.
A man, sir, should keep his friendships in constant repair.
- Samuel Johnson
You cannot do a kindness too soon,
for you never know how soon it will be too late.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
As soon as you trust yourself,
you will know how to live.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
A truly good book teaches me better than to read it.
I must soon lay it down, and commence living on its hint.
What I began by reading, I must finish by acting.
- Henry David Thoreau
Act the way you'd like to be
and soon you'll be the way you act.
- Leonard Cohen
Knowledge is soon changed, then lost in the mist, an echo half-heard.
- Gene Wolfe
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but think you can't
It's almost a cinch you won't.
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late the man who wins is the one who thinks he can.
- Anonymous
Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities have crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day;
you shall begin it serenely
and with too high a spirit
to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is a fine line between perseverance and insanity.
At what point have you tried your best,
and it's time to do something different?
It's a balance - a paradox.
If you get in the habit of giving up
as soon as something gets difficult,
your life won't work,
but if you keep tilting at windmills -
madly trying the same thing again and again,
your life also won't work.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When people get married because they think
it's a long-time love affair,
they'll be divorced very soon,
because all love affairs end in disappointment.
But marriage is a recognition of a spiritual identity.
- Joseph Campbell
We should meet abuse by forbearance.
Human nature is so constituted that
if we take absolutely no notice of anger or abuse,
the person indulging in it will soon weary of it and stop.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
There never was and is not likely soon to be
a nation of philosophers,
nor am I certain it is desirable that there should be.
- Henry David Thoreau
On His Blindness:
When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.
- John Milton (1608-1674)
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Puritanism. The haunting fear that
someone, somewhere, may be happy.
- H. L. Mencken
Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
I believe totally in a Capitalist System,
I only wish that someone would try it.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Whenever I find the key to success,
someone changes the lock.
- Anonymous
Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.
- Stephanie Klein
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Trust your own instinct.
Your mistakes might as well be your own,
instead of someone else's.
- Billy Wilder
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears,
for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead.
- Albert Einstein
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart
We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone -
but paradoxically, if we cannot trust,
neither can we find love or joy.
- Walter Anderson
Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson
Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone
what you are looking for before you begin looking for it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
When someone you love dies,
you don't lose them all at once.
You lose them in pieces over time
- the movie Simon Birch
Resenting someone, or hating someone, ensures that
you can never emotionally escape that person.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you see someone putting on his Big Boots,
you can be pretty sure that an Adventure is going to happen.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Hell is living with someone who complains, whines, and argues.
- Anonymous
When someone has a strong intuitive connection,
Buddhism suggests that it's because of karma,
some past connection.
- Richard Gere
You know you love someone when you know
you want them to be happy,
even if their happiness means
that you are not a part of it.
- Anonymous
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words
but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
No matter what happens, someone will find a way
to take it too seriously.
- Dave Barry
It hurts to love someone
and not be loved in return,
but what is more painful is to love
someone and never find the courage
to let that person know how you feel.
- Anonymous
The art of acceptance is the art of making someone
who has just done you a small favor
wish that he might have done you a greater one.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear
to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.
- Sylvester Stallone
When you're drowning, you don't say,
"I would be incredibly pleased if someone
would have the foresight to notice
me drowning and come and help me,"
you just scream.
- John Lennon
There comes that mysterious meeting in life
when someone acknowledges who we are and what we can be,
igniting the circuits of our highest potential.
- Rusty Berkus
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.