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Let these funny Statistician`s maxim Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Correlation does not imply causation.
- Statistician's maxim
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
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It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.