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Let these funny Seneca Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
It is not because life is difficult
that we do not dare.
Life is difficult
because we do not dare.
- Seneca
Luck is preparation meeting opportunity.
- Seneca
Wherever there is a human being,
there is an opportunity for a kindness.
- Seneca
A man is as unhappy as he has convinced himself he is.
- Seneca
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If a man does not know what port he is steering for,
no wind is favorable to him.
- Seneca
If we let things terrify us,
life will not be worth living.
- Seneca
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain
The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.