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Let these funny Sarah Jessica Parker Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
In a relationship, when does the art of compromise become compromising?
- Sarah Jessica Parker
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
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A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay
Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington 
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
Fathers are biological necessities, but social accidents.
- Margaret Mead
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Anonymous
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president,
but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.
- John F. Kennedy
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Suspicion and jealousy are the death knell of any relationship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Let parents bequeath to their children
not riches, but the spirit of reverence.
- Plato
Distance cannot matter - ours is a friendship of the heart.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Nothing you do for a child is ever wasted.
- Garrison Keillor
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Mother is the name for God
in the lips and hearts of little children.
- William Makepeace Thackeray
The ache for home lives in all of us,
the safe place where we can
go as we are and not be questioned.
- Maya Angelou
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
Each relationship nurtures a strength or weakness within you.
- Mike Murdock
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie
He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.
- Roe Fulkerson
Sisters are different flowers from the same garden.
- Anonymous
Every child comes with the message
that God is not yet discouraged of man.
- Rabindranath Tagore
The formula for achieving a successful relationship is simple:
you should treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
- Quentin Crisp
It is the friends you can call up at 4 A.M. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich
A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people stay for awhile,
and move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to a new understanding,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.
- Flavia Weedn
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei
Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything.
It's the time we spent together that matters,
not how we left it.
- Trey Parker
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.