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Let these funny Omar Khayyam Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Thy Return is as another Sun to Heaven;
a new Rose blooming in the Garden of the Soul.
- Omar Khayyam
A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and you.
- Omar Khayyam
(paraphrase)
Here with a Loaf of Bread beneath the Bough,
A Flask of Wine, a Book of Verse - and Thou
Beside me singing in the Wilderness -
And Wilderness is Paradise enow.
- Omar Khayyam
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
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Grant That I May Radiate Thy Light, Thy Love,
Thy Healing, Thy Joy, and Thy Peace,
to All Those Around Me
and All Those in My Thoughts
This Day and Ever More.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie 
Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache;
do be my enemy - for friendship's sake.
- William Blake
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
- St. Francis of Assisi
Search others for their virtues, thyself for thy vices.
- Benjamin Franklin
Let Food be thy medicine and medicine be Thy food.
- Hippocrates.
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
- St Francis of Assisi
Go oft to the house of thy friend,
for weeds choke the unused path.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If thy brother wrongs thee,
remember not so much his wrong-doing,
but more than ever that he is thy brother.
- Epictetus
Genius is the power to labor better and more availably.
Deserve thy genius: exalt it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Control thy passions lest they take vengeance upon thee.
- Epictetus
I offer my body, my mind
and any ability that I posses,
to be used by Thee, O Infinite Creator,
in whatever way Thou dost choose
to express Thyself through me.
I know that all work is Thy work,
and that no task is too difficult
or too menial when offered
to Thee in loving service.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
Love Your Enemies
Ye have heard that it hath been said,
Thou shalt love thy neighbor, and hate thine enemy.
But I say unto you, Love your enemies,
bless them that curse you,
do good to them that hate you,
and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.
- Jesus of Nazareth (Matthew 5:43-44)
Prayer:
Lord God, Holy Spirit, Giver of All Light,
Bless and Keep All Those of This World.
Grant Us Your Peace, Your Light, Your Love.
Grant Us Complete Renewal of Body, Mind and Spirit -
Continual Rebirth in Newness of Life.
Let Your Light Shine Upon Us and Be Gracious to Us.
Grant to Each and Every One of Us:
Health, Comfort, Joy, Peace Within Ourselves,
Peace Within Our Families, Peace Within Our Communities,
and Peace among All those This World.
Grant That I May Be an Instrument of Thy Peace.
Grant That I May Radiate Thy Peace, Thy Light, Thy Love,
Thy Healing, Thy Comfort, Thy Joy,
to All Those Around Me and All Those in My Thoughts
This Day and Ever More. AMEN.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most people consider the course of events as natural and inevitable.
They little know what radical change are possible through prayer.
Every morning I offer my body, my mind and any ability that I posses,
to be used by Thee, O infinite creator,
in whatever way Thou dost choose to express Thyself through me.
I know that all work is Thy work, and that no task is too difficult
or too menial when offered to Thee in loving service.
- Paramahansa Yogananda
Be in peace with many,
but let one of a thousand be thy counsellor.
- Ecclesiastes 1:23
Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new- hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade.
- William Shakespeare
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Lord, grant that I might not so much
seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Know the power and the peace of saying,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.