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Let these funny Nicolas De Chamfort Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
I have three kinds of friends:
those who love me,
those who pay no attention to me,
and those who detest me.
- Nicolas De Chamfort
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
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There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.
- Benjamin Franklin
Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.
- Benjamin Franklin
My wife and I tried two or three times in the last 40 years
to have breakfast together,
but it was so disagreeable we had to stop.
- Winston Churchill
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
There are three types of lies -
lies, damn lies, and statistics.
- Benjamin Disraeli
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather 
There are three rules for dating:
1) Don't;
2) If you must, just be careful;
3) Forget the rules, your hormones will win anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To the uneducated an A is just three sticks.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
See no evil, Hear no evil, Speak no evil.
- Japanese pictorial maxim (the Three Wise Monkeys)
In three words, I can sum up everything
I've learned about life - it goes on.
- Robert Frost
I had three chairs in my house;
one for solitude, two for friendship, three for society.
- Henry David Thoreau
All Knowledge is Divided into Three Domains:
"What We Know",
"What We Know That We Don't Know", and
"What We Don't Know That We Don't Know."
- Werner Erhard
A friendship will be young after the lapse of half a century;
a passion is old at the end of three months.
- Madame Swetchine
Three things cannot be long hidden:
the sun, the moon, and the truth.
- The Buddha
He is a drunkard who takes more than
three glasses though he be not drunk.
- Epictetus
All truth passes through three stages:
First, it is ridiculed;
Second, it is violently opposed;
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
There are three classes of people:
those who see,
those who see when they are shown,
those who do not see.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are
something to do,
something to love,
and something to hope for.
- Joseph Addison
I have just three things to teach:
simplicity, patience, compassion.
These three are your greatest treasures.
- Lao Tzu
Three Rules of Work:
Out of clutter find simplicity;
From discord find harmony;
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.
- Albert Einstein
Never forget the three powerful resources
you always have available to you:
love, prayer, and forgiveness.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Voting is an expression of three key life principles -
CHOICE, INTENT, and ACTION.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
AUM, the most primordial human sound -
and the sound most connected to Spirit,
is pronounced in these three parts:
A (as in mama) - a throat sound
that vibrates in the abdomen - signifies waking.
U (as in who) - a tongue sound
that vibrates in the chest - signifies dreaming.
M (as in mama) - a lip sound
that vibrates in the head - signifies sleeping.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Now abide faith, hope, love, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.
- Corinthians 13:13
I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize.
The first is gentleness;
the second is frugality;
the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others.
Be gentle and you can be bold;
be frugal and you can be generous;
avoid putting yourself before others
and you can become a leader among men.
- Lao Tzu
I want to share with you the three rules
that I have in order to accept an apprentice.
Rule Number 1: Don't believe me.
I don't want you to believe me
but I want you to listen and make choices - your choices.
If what I say, doesn't work for you, leave it.
But if it works for you and that's what you want, then make it yours.
Rule Number 2: Don't believe yourself.
Why? Because most of your belief system is a lie - it's not true.
And by believing yourself, you create all the limitations
that don't allow you to be what you really are.
Don't believe yourself. Listen to what you say,
listen to what you think, listen to what you believe.
And when you listen, open your ears, open your mind,
open your intelligence and make choices.
Rule 3 is, don't believe anybody else.
Don't believe them at all.
Open your ears and your mind; listen and make choices.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Steve Jobs' Three Rules of Life ...
1. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life.
2. Don't be trapped by dogma -
which is living with the results of other people's thinking.
Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice.
3. Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition -
they somehow already know what you truly want to become.
- Steve Jobs
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- Mark Twain
Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
It is hard enough to remember my opinions,
without also remembering my reasons for them!
- Friedrich Nietzsche
You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie
Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness;
however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
It doesn't matter who my father was.
It matters who I remember he was.
- Anne Sexton
Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens
reflect the kind of care they get.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
If anyone is unhappy, remember that
his unhappiness is his own fault...
Nothing else is the cause of anxiety or loss of tranquility
except our own opinion.
- Epictetus
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Remember, happiness is just a teardrop away.
- the movie Shrek 2
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei
Life is a nurturing mother,
when you just remember to say "thank you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Remember that life is an ADVENTURE, and cheer Whee...
all the way down the slippery razor-blade of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One of the greatest cause of unhappiness -
perhaps even the only cause of unhappiness - is comparison.
I remember as a young child hearing my mother say,
"Comparisons are odious."
That is one of the oldest sayings in the English language,
and one of the most important.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Remember, upon the conduct of each depends the fate of all.
- Alexander the Great
Remember that the happiest people
are not those getting more, but those giving more.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
To love. To be loved.
To never forget your own insignificance.
To never get used to the unspeakable violence
and the vulgar disparity of life around you.
To seek joy in the saddest places.
To pursue beauty to its lair.
To never simplify what is complicated
or complicate what is simple.
To respect strength, never power.
Above all, to watch. To try to understand.
To never look away. And never, never, to forget.
- Arundhati Roy
Those who cannot remember the past
are condemned to repeat it.
- George Santayana
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
- Confucius
Difficulties show men what they are.
In case of any difficulty,
remember that God has pitted you
against a rough antagonist
that you may be a conqueror,
and this cannot be without toil.
- Epictetus
If someone irritates you, it is only
your own response that is irritating you.
Therefore, when anyone seems to be provoking you,
remember that it is only your judgment
of the incident that provokes you. -
- Epictetus
When we remember we are all mad,
the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
- Mark Twain
Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.
That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand.
- Emily Kimbrough
We will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I hear and I forget.
I see and I remember.
I do and I understand.
- Chinese proverb
May you never forget what is worth remembering,
or remember what is best forgotten.
- Anonymous
We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason
if we dig deep in our history and remember
that we are not descended from fearful men,
not from men who feared to write, to speak,
to associate and to defend causes
which were for the moment unpopular.
- Edward R. Murrow
It is well to remember that the
entire population of the universe,
with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
- Andrew J. Holmes
If thy brother wrongs thee,
remember not so much his wrong-doing,
but more than ever that he is thy brother.
- Epictetus
Remember always that you have not only the right to be an individual,
you have an obligation to be one.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
When you have shut your doors, and darkened your room,
remember, never to say that you are alone,
for you are not alone, but God is within,
and your genius is within.
- Epictetus
You can conquer almost any fear
if you will only make up your mind to do so.
For remember, fear doesn't exist
anywhere except in the mind.
- Dale Carnegie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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