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Muhammad Ali Quotes
Funny Quotes by Muhammad Ali

Let these funny Muhammad Ali Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

The man who has no imagination has no wings.
- Muhammad Ali

Service to others is the rent you pay
for your room here on earth.
- Muhammad Ali

A man who views the world the same at fifty
as he did at twenty
has wasted thirty years of his life.
- Muhammad Ali

He who is not courageous enough to take risks
will accomplish nothing in life.
- Muhammad Ali


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It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand.
I beat people up.
- Muhammad Ali (world champion boxer)

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields PHOTO

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO


 

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin PHOTO

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln

Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung

If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

Man can hardly even recognize the devils of his own creation.
- Albert Schweitzer

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau

The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau

An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I

When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln

I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin

Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill

I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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