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Let these funny Mary Catherine Bateson Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
We are not what we know
but what we are willing to learn.
- Mary Catherine Bateson
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.