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Let these funny Marlene Dietrich Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
It is the friends you can call up at 4 A.M. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
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When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf
To go against the dominant thinking of your friends,
of most of the people you see every day,
is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform.
- Theodore H. White 
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
- the movie The Godfather, Part II
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan
Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous
You can make more friends in two months
by becoming interested in other people
than you can in two years by trying
to get other people interested in you.
- Dale Carnegie
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
But what a cruel thing is war
to separate and destroy families and friends.
- Robert E. Lee
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Continue to learn.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Fear makes strangers of people
who would otherwise be friends.
- Shirley MacLaine
I have three kinds of friends:
those who love me,
those who pay no attention to me,
and those who detest me.
- Nicolas De Chamfort
Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead.
- Anna Cummins
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
Our opportunity is to Soar our Spirit.
To see Light and Joy in everything.
To spread our wings and fly boldly.
To give thanks for rainbows and butterflies -
our symbols of renewal and rebirth.
To offer daily Thanksgiving - for ourselves, our family,
our friends, our community, for the whole world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Those that want friends to open themselves unto
are cannibals of their own hearts.
- Francis Bacon
We'll be friends until forever, just you wait and see.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei
Books and friends should be few but good.
- Anonymous
My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca
Friends are born, not made.
- Henry Adams
In all my ways of seeing - may I use new glasses,
a telescope and a microscope.
And may I always allow myself to see a circumstance
through the tender hearts of my friends.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
No man is the whole of himself;
his friends are the rest of him.
- Harry Emerson Fosdick
I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.
- Abraham Lincoln
I make friends with my fear. I am unstoppable.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
But what a cruel thing is war
to separate and destroy families and friends,
and mar the purest joys and happiness
God has granted us in this world,
to fill our hearts with hatred
instead of love for our neighbors,
and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world!
- Robert E. Lee
Friends are angels who lift us to our feet
when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
- Anonymous
One measure of friendship consists
not in the number of things friends can discuss,
but in the number of things they need no longer mention.
- Clifton Fadiman
Fate makes us family. choice makes us friends.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Every man should have a fair-sized cemetery
in which to bury the faults of his friends.
- Henry Brooks Adams
Wishing to be friends is quick work,
but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.
- Aristotle
Friends... they cherish one another's hopes.
They are kind to one another's dreams.
- Henry David Thoreau
Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends.
- Jacques Delille
Friends love misery, in fact.
Sometimes, especially if we are too lucky
or too successful or too pretty,
our misery is the only thing that endears us to our friends.
- Erica Jong
Your friends love you anyway.
- Dave Barry
Good friends are like stars ...
you don't always see them,
but you know they are always there.
- Anonymous
Don't make friends who are comfortable to be with.
Make friends who will force you to lever yourself up.
- Thomas J. Watson Sr.
Friends are the siblings God never gave us.
- Mencius
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience:
this is the ideal life.
- Mark Twain
The best time to make friends is before you need them.
- Ethel Barrymore
The making of friends, who are real friends,
is the best token we have of a man's success in life.
- Edward Everett Hale
Humility must always be the portion of any man
who receives acclaim earned in the blood of his followers
and the sacrifices of his friends.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Friends are like bras:
close to your heart and there for support.
- Anonymous
It is only the great-hearted who can be true friends.
The mean and cowardly can never know what true friendship means.
- Charles Kingsley
I will reflect the finest qualities my friends offer me
and remind them of all the promise I see in them.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving
for my friends, the old and the new.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
True friends are those who lift you up
when your heart's wings forget how to fly.
- Anonymous
Lighten up! Slow down the shopping.
Your greatest gift to your family and friends is yourself -
your relaxed, happy, and fully-present self.
Consider gifting hand-made cards with messages
of true appreciation in place of store-bought presents.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Friends share our pain and touch our wounds
with a gentle and tender hand.
- Henri Nouwen
True friends are appreciative and never demanding.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A man's growth is seen in the successive choirs of his friends.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I no doubt deserved my enemies,
but I don't believe I deserved my friends.
- Walt Whitman
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.