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Louisa May Alcott Quotes
Funny Quotes by Louisa May Alcott

Let these funny Louisa May Alcott Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.

I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
- Louisa May Alcott PHOTO

He who believes is strong; he who doubts is weak.
Strong convictions precede great actions.
- Louisa May Alcott

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand PHOTO


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If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer PHOTO

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO


 

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie PHOTO

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain PHOTO

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin

Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard

Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb

Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little

Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz

Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon

As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci

The church is always trying to get other people to reform;
it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little,
by way of example.
- Mark Twain

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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