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Let these funny John Bradshaw Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Recovery begins with embracing our pain
and taking the risk to share it with others.
We do this by joining a group
and talking about our pain.
- John Bradshaw
It's okay to make mistakes.
Mistakes are our teachers - they help us to learn.
- John Bradshaw
Children are natural Zen masters;
their world is brand new in each and every moment.
- John Bradshaw
It is a mark of soulfulness to be present in the here and now.
When we are present, we are not fabricating inner movies.
We are seeing what is before us.
- John Bradshaw
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The more we know about how we lost
our spontaneous wonder and creativity,
the more we can find ways to get them back.
- John Bradshaw
It's essential to tell the truth at all times.
This will reduce life's pain.
Lying distorts reality.
All forms of distorted thinking must be corrected.
- John Bradshaw
Guilt says I've done something wrong;
... shame says there is something wrong with me.
Guilt says I've made a mistake;
... shame says I am a mistake.
Guilt says what did was not good;
... shame says I am no good.
- John Bradshaw
I have never met an aggressive person
who wasn't a fearful person.
- John Bradshaw
Children are curious and are risk takers.
They have lots of courage.
They venture out into a world
that is immense and dangerous.
A child initially trusts life
and the processes of life.
- John Bradshaw
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain 
If you do not change direction,
you may end up where you are heading.
- Lao Tzu
I have been all things unholy.
If God can work through me, he can work through anyone.
- St. Francis of Assisi
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.