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Let these funny Jerome Cummings Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.
- Jerome Cummings
The proper office of a friend is to side with you
when you are in the wrong.
Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.
- Mark Twain
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
- Emo Phillips
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
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A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson 
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
- Arabic Proverb and Chinese Proverb
Except in cases of necessity, which are rare,
leave your friend to learn
unpleasant things from his enemies;
they are ready enough to tell them.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
The price of freedom for a nation is lives and money.
Often, the price of freedom for an individual
is challenging the closed minds of family and friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
The most called-upon prerequisite of a friend is an accessible ear.
- Maya Angelou
The walls we build around us to
keep sadness out also keeps out the joy.
- Jim Rohn
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei
The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you,
whose presence calls forth your best.
- Epictetus
The happiest moments my heart knows are those in which
it is pouring forth its affections to a few esteemed characters.
- Thomas Jefferson
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me
was when one asked me what I thought,
and attended to my answer.
- Henry David Thoreau
The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that
they can grow separately without growing apart.
- Elisabeth Foley
Our chief want is someone who will inspire us
to be what we know we could be.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The easiest kind of friendship for me
is with ten thousand people.
The hardest is with one.
- Joan Baez
The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
It is an intelligence above language.
- Henry David Thoreau
The meeting of two personalities is
like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
- Carl Jung
The finest kind of friendship is between people
who expect a great deal of each other but never ask it.
- Anonymous
I never found a companion that was
so companionable as solitude.
- Henry David Thoreau
Health is the greatest possession.
Contentment is the greatest treasure.
Confidence is the greatest friend.
Non-being is the greatest joy.
- Lao Tzu
There is danger that we lose sight of
what our friend is absolutely,
while considering what she is to us alone.
- Henry David Thoreau
This communicating of a man's self to his friend
works two contrary effects;
for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half.
- Francis Bacon
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand,
nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship;
it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one
when he discovers that someone else believes in him
and is willing to trust him with his friendship.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
In my friend, I find a second self.
- Isabel Norton
Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend,
but it requires a very fine nature
to sympathize with a friend's success.
- Oscar Wilde
A holiday, the day I first named you, "friend."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Everyone has a "best friend" during each stage of life,
but only a precious few have the same one.
- Anonymous
A true friend is the one who
walks in when others walk out.
- Walter Winchell
Choose a friend as thou dost a wife,
till death separate you.
- William Penn
You are my friend when you can guard my failure,
challenge my thought and celebrate my success.
- Anonymous
I own that I am not a friend to a very energetic government.
It is always oppressive.
- Thomas Jefferson
Walking with a friend in the dark is better
than walking alone in the light.
- Helen Keller
If we would build on a sure foundation in friendship,
we must love our friend for their sakes
rather than for our own.
- Charlotte Bronte
A single rose can be my garden...
a single friend, my world.
- Leo Buscaglia
Lord, grant comfort, joy and health
to those I call friend,
to those I call enemy,
and to those I have cursed by my indifference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I choose you as my friend, and rejoice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only thing to do is to hug one's friend tight and do one's job.
- Edith Wharton
If I mayn't tell you what I feel,
what is the use of a friend?
- William Makepeace Thackeray
One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives.
- Euripides
Time is my friend.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A new friend is like new wine;
when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure.
- Ecclesiastes 9:10
A friend is someone who understands my past,
believes in my future,
and accepts me just the way I am.
- Anonymous
A best friend is like a four leaf clover,
hard to find and lucky to have.
- Anonymous
Go oft to the house of thy friend,
for weeds choke the unused path.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice -
but when you don't follow it,
they still respect and love you.
- Doris Wild Helmering
A friend to all is a friend to none.
- Aristotle
A true friend is one who believes in you
when you have ceased to believe in yourself.
- Anonymous
Better to be a nettle in the side of your friend than his echo.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A friend should be a master at guessing and keeping still.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
A true friend never gets in your way
unless you happen to be going down.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Life without a friend is like death without a witness.
- Spanish proverb
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.