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Let these funny Jane Austen Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Friendship is certainly the finest balm
for the pangs of disappointed love.
- Jane Austen
Business, you know, may bring money,
but friendship hardly ever does.
- Jane Austen
From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
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The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington 
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Distance cannot matter - ours is a friendship of the heart.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
I'm a very loyal and unreliable friend.
- Bono
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
It is the friends you can call up at 4 A.M. that matter.
- Marlene Dietrich
Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope
A friend is someone who knows all about you,
and loves you just the same.
- Elbert Hubbard
Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Thy friendship oft has made my heart to ache;
do be my enemy - for friendship's sake.
- William Blake
To the people who love you,
you are beautiful already.
This is not because they're
blind to your shortcomings
but because they so clearly see your soul.
- Victoria Moran
True friendship is never serene.
- Marquise de Sevigne
No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child.
- Anonymous (often attributed to Abraham Lincoln)
True friendship is like sound health;
the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.
- Charles Caleb Colton
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw
If there ever comes a day when we can't be together,
keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart,
it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
There's a big difference between a handout and a helping hand.
One's charity, the other's friendship.
- Little Joe' Cartwright in Bonanza - Rain from Heaven
Friendship is a strong and habitual inclination in two persons
to promote the good and happiness of one another.
- Eustace Budgell
It is only the great-hearted who can be true friends.
The mean and cowardly can never know what true friendship means.
- Charles Kingsley
Do not save your loving speeches
For your friends till they are dead;
Do not write them on their tombstones,
Speak them rather now instead.
- Anna Cummins
If a friendship isn't comfortable, it's not a friendship.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If we would build on a sure foundation in friendship,
we must love our friend for their sakes
rather than for our own.
- Charlotte Bronte
Let there be no purpose in friendship
save the deepening of the spirit.
- Khalil Gibran
I have three kinds of friends:
those who love me,
those who pay no attention to me,
and those who detest me.
- Nicolas De Chamfort
True friendship can afford true knowledge.
It does not depend on darkness and ignorance.
- Henry David Thoreau
What I cannot love, I overlook.
Is that real friendship?
- Anais Nin
The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
It is an intelligence above language.
- Henry David Thoreau
Fame is the scentless sunflower, with gaudy crown of gold;
But friendship is the breathing rose, with sweets in every fold.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
A true friendship always feels safe and comfortable.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"How do you spell 'love'?" asked Piglet.
"You don't spell it...you feel it." answered Pooh.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
A person isn't who they are during
the last conversation you had with them -
they're who they've been
throughout your whole relationship.
- Rainer Maria Rilke
We have no enemies,
we have only friendships that we haven't yet developed
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some people stay for awhile,
and move our souls to dance.
They awaken us to a new understanding,
leave footprints on our hearts,
and we are never, ever the same.
- Flavia Weedn
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.