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Let these funny J. R. R. Tolkien Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.
- J. R. R. Tolkien
"Good morning!" he said at last.
"We don't want any adventures here, thank you!
You might try over The Hill or across The Water."
- J. R. R. Tolkien
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
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I don't care what anybody says about me
as long as it isn't true.
- Truman Capote
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis 
Through pride we are ever deceiving ourselves.
But deep down below the surface of the average conscience
a still, small voice says to us, something is out of tune.
- Carl Jung
I have accepted fear as a part of life -
specifically the fear of change...
I have gone ahead despite the pounding
in the heart that says: turn back.
- Erica Jong
In a separation it is the one
who is not really in love
who says the more tender things.
- Marcel Proust
I find that he is happiest
of whom the world says least, good or bad.
- Thomas Jefferson
An enemy generally says and believes what he wishes.
- Thomas Jefferson
If what Proust says is true,
that happiness is the absence of fever,
then I will never know happiness.
For I am possessed by a fever
for knowledge, experience, and creation.
- Anais Nin
A leader is not one who says, "Follow me."
A leader is one who says, "I'll go first."
- Neale Donald Walsch
Guilt says I've done something wrong;
... shame says there is something wrong with me.
Guilt says I've made a mistake;
... shame says I am a mistake.
Guilt says what did was not good;
... shame says I am no good.
- John Bradshaw
Faith is the great affirmative power that
says "yes" to the infinite goodness of life -
regardless of appearances. We all have within us
the potential for mountain-moving faith,
but we must take the steps necessary to activate it.
- Mary Omwake
Always aim high, work hard, and care deeply
about what you believe in.
When you stumble, keep faith.
When you're knocked down, get right back up.
And never listen to anyone who says
you can't or shouldn't go on.
- Hilary Clinton
People will, in a great degree,
and not without reason,
form their opinion of you upon
that which they have of your friends;
and there is a Spanish proverb
which says very justly,
"Tell me whom you live with,
and I will tell you who you are.
- Lord Chesterfield
What does it profit, my brethren,
if someone says he has faith but does not have works?
Can faith save him?
- James 2:14
Consider a parent who says,
"Look at the sacrifices I'm making so you can have a better life."
Contrast that with another parent who demonstrates
living a great life every day.
Self-sacrifice is not a virtue.
Living a great life and sharing that life with others
is the noble way to live.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you doubt the virtue in self-honor,
remember what the flight attendant says,
"Put your own oxygen mask on first."
You are of no use to anyone else
if you have not taken care of your own needs first -
this includes your own emotional,
as well as physical, well-being.
In addition, your greatest value to your children,
your family, your friends, and your community
is the example you set, leading a great life that inspires
those around you to emulate your being.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Zen says that if you drop knowledge -
and within knowledge everything is included;
your name, your identity, everything,
because this has been given to you by others -
if you drop all that has been given by others,
you will have a totally different quality to your being: innocence.
This will be a crucifixion of the persona, the personality,
and there will be a resurrection of your innocence.
You will become a child again, reborn.
- Osho
We may not always be aware of it, but we all create
and repeat affirmations constantly.
The problem is, we typically don't pay attention
to exactly what those affirmations are saying.
Often we go through the day giving ourselves
all sorts of contradictory, or even negative messages.
We may project confidence to the world around us,
while our inner dialogue says...
I hope this works.
I am so nervous about this.
I hope I don't blow it.
Affirmations are self fulfilling prophecies.
If we say, This is never going to work
... then chances are excellent it never will.
- John Assaraf
The witnessing soul is like the sky.
The birds fly in the sky but they don't leave any footprints.
That's what Buddha says, that the man who is awakened
lives in such a way that he leaves no footprints.
He is without wounds and without scars; he never looks back -
there is no point. He has lived that moment so totally
that what is the need to look back again and again?
He never looks ahead, he never looks back, he lives in the moment.
- Osho
Gossip and complaint are the underbelly of low conversation.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
Force always attracts men of low morality.
- Albert Einstein
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted,
every hill and mountain shall be made low,
the rough places will be made straight
and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed
and all flesh shall see it together.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Knowledge is happiness, because to have knowledge -
broad, deep knowledge - is to know true ends from false,
and lofty things from low.
- Helen Keller
What a book a devil's chaplain might write
on the clumsy, wasteful, blundering, low,
and horribly cruel work of nature!
- Charles Darwin
Religion is more than life. Remember that his own religion
is the truest to every man even if it stands low
in the scales of philosophical comparison.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Never cease loving a person, and never give up hope for him,
for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low,
could still be saved; the bitterest enemy
and also he who was your friend could again be your friend;
love that has grown cold can kindle
- Soren Kierkegaard
A man's pride shall bring him low,
but honor shall uphold the humble in spirit.
- Proverbs 29:23
While it is natural to feel some degree of
need for the approval of others, be careful.
If you find yourself unwilling to
take actions that others disapprove of,
you have lost control of your own life
and have given your destiny to others.
An excessive need-for-approval
is a sign of low self-esteem,
and in severe cases, a condition termed co-dependency.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As she passed among the hungry and the dejected,
delivering the rations and water,
she chanted in a low whisper,
"the spark of the mind - the sparkle of the soul" ...
"the spark of the mind - the sparkle of the soul" ...
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Gossip is the art of saying nothing
in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.
- Walter Winchell
The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry
How does so much gossip fit in such small minds?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Gossip is the opiate of the oppressed.
- Erica Jong
Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Great minds discuss ideas;
average minds discuss events;
small minds discuss people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
To a philosopher all news,
as it is called, is gossip,
and they who edit and read it
are old women over their tea.
- Henry David Thoreau
Men have always detested women's gossip
because they suspect the truth:
their measurements are being taken and compared.
- Erica Jong
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed
to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers
The whole world can gossip about you,
and if you don't take it personally you are immune.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Don't complain, don't whine, and don't gossip.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.
- the Woody Allen movie Manhattan (1979)
I choose to be caring, compassionate and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be Impeccable With Your Word.
Speak with integrity.
Say only what you mean.
Avoid using your word to speak against yourself
or to gossip about others.
Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz
While you can and should keep your composure and happiness
regardless of circumstances - regardless of your friends,
family and co-workers - regardless of gossip, sarcasm, and negativity.
Nonetheless, life is much easier and more pleasant
when you spend as much time as possible
in the company of enthusiastic positive people -
not necessarily those who agree with you,
but those who respect your right to your point of view.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie"
until you can find a rock.
- Will Rogers
People say conversation is a lost art;
how often I have wished it were.
- Edward R. Murrow
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money
they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen
Love isn't an emotion or an instinct - it's an art.
- Mae West
Television has a real problem. They have no page two.
- Art Buchwald
The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity
in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.
- Albert Einstein
The sculptor produces the beautiful statue
by chipping away such parts of the marble block as are not needed -
it is a process of elimination.
- Elbert Hubbard
The art of acceptance is the art of making someone
who has just done you a small favor
wish that he might have done you a greater one.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Motivation is the art of getting people to do
what you want them to do because they want to do it.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Tell me what company thou keepst,
and I'll tell thee what thou art.
- Miguel de Cervantes
Be slow to fall into friendship;
but when thou art in, continue firm and constant.
- Socrates
Courage is the art of being the only one
who knows you're scared to death.
- Earl Wilson
The whole art of teaching is only the art
of awakening the natural curiosity
of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards.
- Anatole France
Besides the noble art of getting things done,
there is the noble art of leaving things undone.
The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials.
- Lin Yutang
Your life is the manifestation of your dream;
it is an art.
You can change your life anytime if
you aren't enjoying the dream.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Art for art's sake is a philosophy of the well-fed.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The supreme art of war is
to subdue the enemy without fighting.
- Sun Tzu
In a relationship, when does the art of compromise become compromising?
- Sarah Jessica Parker
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.