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Let these funny Horace Traubel Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
If the world is cold, make it your business to build fires.
- Horace Traubel
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain 
Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
I know because I've done it thousands of times.
- Mark Twain
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The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Let there be peace on earth.
And let it begin with me.
- Jill Jackson Miller
The most difficult thing in the world
is to know how to do a thing
and to watch somebody else doing it wrong,
without comment.
- Theodore. H. White
The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.
- Yogi Berra
The whole problem with the world is that
fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves,
but wiser people so full of doubts.
- Bertrand Russell
Powerful Dreams Inspire Powerful Action.
When you can taste, smell, and touch your dreams,
you can enroll the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
It is said that the world is in a state of bankruptcy,
that the world owes the world more than the world can pay.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We must become the change we wish to see in the world.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle.
- Lewis Carroll
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Twinkle, twinkle little bat
How I wonder what you're at!
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
- Lewis Carroll
The traveler sees what he sees,
the tourist sees what he has come to see.
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.
- Albert Einstein
There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe,
our class, and our nation;
and this means we must develop a world perspective.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Just when the caterpillar thought
the world was over, it became a butterfly.
- Anonymous
Since boredom advances and boredom is the root of all evil,
no wonder, then, that the world goes backwards, that evil spreads.
This can be traced back to the very beginning of the world.
The gods were bored; therefore they created human beings.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Distance does not decide who is your brother and who is not.
- Bono
A Single Generosity Enlarges the World.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer
The cleansing fire of Spirit
consumes the troubles of this world.
Feed your concerns to the fire.
Breathe deeply and rejoice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today is a day to honor other cultures.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
By letting it go it all gets done.
The world is won by those who let it go.
But when you try and try.
The world is beyond the winning.
- Lao Tzu
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell
Say NO to the demands of the world.
Say YES to the longings of your own heart.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Choose the World You See,
and See the World You Choose.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The hope of a secure and livable world
lies with disciplined nonconformists
who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible.
- Oscar Wilde
Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Try a new perspective on diversity.
Across the country and around the world,
we are all one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Fear defeats more people than
any other one thing in the world.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
If we cannot now end our differences,
at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.
- John F. Kennedy
I am not the same having seen the moon shine
on the other side of the world.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
I say NO to the demands of the world.
I say YES to the longings of my own heart.
There is nothing I ever need to have.
There is nothing I ever need to do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice,
I would have English Channels round every country.
And the atmosphere would be such that
anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
- Winston Churchill
Relax. Take a day off.
Go for a long silent walk in the woods.
The world will still be there tomorrow -
as good and as bad as ever.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We may have different religions, different
languages, different colored skin,
but we all belong to one human race.
- Kofi Annan
Falling out of love is very enlightening.
For a short while you see the world with new eyes.
- Iris Murdoch
Self-pity is our worst enemy
and if we yield to it,
we can never do anything wise in this world.
- Helen Keller
Globalization, as defined by rich people like us,
is a very nice thing...
you are talking about the Internet,
you are talking about cell phones,
you are talking about computers.
This doesn't affect two-thirds of the people of the world.
- Jimmy Carter
We have nowhere else to go... this is all we have.
- Margaret Mead
Humans are amphibians - half spirit and half animal.
As spirits they belong to the eternal world,
but as animals they inhabit time.
- C. S. Lewis
Comfort and prosperity have never enriched
the world as much as adversity has.
- Billy Graham
Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone;
For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
No one can find inner peace except by working,
not in a self-centered way, but for the whole human family.
- Peace Pilgrim
Having a personal opinion is great.
Believing that one's personal opinion is absolute truth
leads to most of the world's troubles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Misery nourishes your ego -
that's why you see so many miserable people in the world.
The basic, central point is the ego.
- Osho
The world moves, and ideas that were
once good are not always good.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
We could never learn to be brave and patient,
if there were only joy in the world.
- Helen Keller
"Go to the people and live among them
in order to know them and learn from them.
- Jimmy Yen
This world is but a canvas to our imagination.
- Henry David Thoreau
The greatest challenge ...
is not the exploring of the mysteries of the outer space,
but the developing of the millions of God's forgotten children,
the developing peoples of the world,
so they can become our equal
and full partners to build a better world -
a world of freedom and brotherhood.
- Jimmy Yen
What's the use of a fine house if you haven't got
a tolerable planet to put it on?
- Henry David Thoreau
When all you know is bombs,
everything looks like a target.
Give peace and diplomacy a chance.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.