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Let these funny H. Jackson Brown Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Be smarter than other people, just don't tell them so.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.
Just because they're not on your road
doesn't mean they've gotten lost.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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Good manners sometimes means simply
putting up with other people's bad manners.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens
reflect the kind of care they get.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Never forget the three powerful resources
you always have available to you:
love, prayer, and forgiveness.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Live so that when your children think of fairness,
caring and integrity, they think of you.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Luck marches with those who give their very best.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
If you're doing your best,
you won't have any time to worry about failure.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Let the refining and improving of your own life
keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Remember that the happiest people
are not those getting more, but those giving more.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
In business or in life, don't follow the wagon tracks too closely.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Opportunity dances with those already on the dance floor.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Choose your life's mate carefully.
From this one decision will come
90 percent of all your happiness or misery.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
We're constantly striving for success, fame and comfort
when all we really need to be happy
is someone or some thing to be enthusiastic about.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Nothing is more expensive than a missed opportunity.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
You are braver than you believe,
stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together...
there is something you must always remember.
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
But the most important thing is, even if we're apart...
I'll always be with you.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner 
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Of all the things that could frighten you,
you worry about my driving?
- Edward, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you could lower your wand.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Half the people you know are below average.
- Anonymous
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
When everything comes your way
you're in the wrong lane.
- Anonymous
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
Oh no, I can't do anything to the death.
Doctor's orders. You see, I have this ulcer condition,
and death is the worst thing for it.
- the movie Love and Death
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Always remember the three magic words: You're right dear.
- Anonymous
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.