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Let these funny David Farragut Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
- David Farragut
Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
There are three types of lies -
lies, damn lies, and statistics.
- Benjamin Disraeli
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My God, this is a hell of a job. I have no trouble with my enemies.
I can take care of my enemies all right.
But my damn friends, my goddamn friends.
They're the ones that keep me walking the floor at night.
- Warren G. Harding
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson 
Love is like a butterfly,
it settles upon you when you least expect it.
- Anonymous
Where there is an observatory and a telescope,
we expect that any eyes will see new worlds at once.
- Henry David Thoreau
It is important to expect nothing,
to take every experience,
including the negative ones,
as merely steps on the path,
and to proceed.
- Ram Dass
The finest kind of friendship is between people
who expect a great deal of each other but never ask it.
- Anonymous
The more you expect, the more you get disappointed in life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are not to expect to be translated from
despotism to liberty in a featherbed.
- Thomas Jefferson
When you expect nothing, you can
receive everything as a marvelous gift.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs
when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky thing,
because it can disappear for a long time,
and then pop back up when you least expect it.
- Lemony Snicket
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
- John Ruskin
A wonderful gift may not be wrapped as you expect
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do not do unto others
as you expect they should do unto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.
- George Bernard Shaw
Government is a contrivance
of human wisdom to provide for human wants.
People have the right to expect that these wants
will be provided for by this wisdom.
- Jimmy Carter
You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.
- Michael Jordan
Anyone who proposes to do good
must not expect people to roll stones out of his way,
but must accept his lot calmly,
even if they roll a few stones upon it.
- Albert Schweitzer
We cannot expect that all nations will adopt like systems,
for conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.
- John F. Kennedy
As you discover your daily good,
and believe in it, and think about it,
expect it to continue.
- Ernest Holmes
I expect to pass through this world but once.
Any good therefore that I can do,
or any kindness that I can show to my fellow-creature,
let me do it now.
Let me not defer or neglect it,
for I shall not pass this way again.
- William Penn
It is always a good day to be grateful for all of life -
grateful for large blessings and small.
Especially to be grateful for the symbolic blessings -
the rainbows and butterflies that come into our lives
when we least expect and most need them.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To be a beneficial presence in the world,
cultivate a conscious awareness of your unity with Spirit.
Expect good in your own life.
Desire good for all others as well.
See and affirm abundant blessings of peace,
health, and plenty for everyone.
Align your thoughts with peace and happiness,
and realize that these qualities are your true nature.
- Kathy Juline
How wrong is it for women to expect
the man to build the world she wants,
rather than set out to create it herself.
- Anais Nin
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry
Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
To the mind that is still,
the whole universe surrenders.
- Lao Tzu
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
The universe is full of magical things
patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.
- Eden Phillpotts
Life is a mask through which the universe expresses itself.
- Frank Herbert
The goal of life is
to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe,
to match your nature with Nature.
- Joseph Campbell
He who lives in harmony with himself
lives in harmony with the universe.
- Marcus Aurelius
The moral arc of the universe
bends at the elbow of justice.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The universe is wider than our views of it.
- Henry David Thoreau
If we spend the time we waste in sighing
for the perfect golden fruit
in fulfilling the conditions of its growth,
happiness will come, must come.
It is guaranteed in the very laws of the universe.
If it involves some chastening and renunciation, well,
the fruit will be all the sweeter for this touch of holiness.
- Helen Keller
There is a power for good in the universe
greater than you are and you can use it.
- Ernest Holmes
Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.
- Lao Tzu
I am so honored that the Power of the Universe
has chosen for me to be ME.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mind exists as a Principle in the universe,
just as electricity exists as a principle.
- Ernest Holmes
The cathedral of my God of no church
is the entirety of the universe.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The Universe is one great kindergarten for man.
Everything that exists has brought
with it its own peculiar lesson.
- Orison Swett Marden
To discover joy is to return to
a state of oneness with the universe.
- Peggy Jenkins
The effort to understand the universe is one
of the very few things that lifts human life
a little above the level of farce,
and gives it some of the grace of tragedy.
- Steven Weinberg
Gratitude in advance is the most powerful
creative force in the universe.
- Neale Donald Walsch
When prayer removes distrust and doubt
and enters the field of mental certainty,
it becomes faith; and the universe is built on faith.
- Ernest Holmes
The manifest universe is the body of God ...
all people are incarnations of the One Spirit.
- Ernest Holmes
It is well to remember that the
entire population of the universe,
with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
- Andrew J. Holmes
Know that miracles are the natural way of the Universe
Your only job is to move your doubting mind out of the way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Know thyself, and thou shalt know the Universe and God.
- Pythagoras
As you simplify your life,
the laws of the universe will be simpler;
solitude will not be solitude,
poverty will not be poverty,
nor weakness weakness.
- Henry David Thoreau
I look for what needs to be done.
After all, that's how the universe designs itself.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We can allow satellites, planets, suns, universe,
nay whole systems of universes, to be governed by laws,
but the smallest insect, we wish
to be created at once by special act.
- Charles Darwin
When we try to pick out anything by itself,
we find it hitched to everything else in the universe.
- John Muir
At the deepest level, there is no giver, no gift, and no recipient...
only the universe rearranging itself.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
I find hope in the darkest of days,
and focus in the brightest.
I do not judge the universe.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
We live in a spiritual Universe.
- Ernest Holmes
In our willingness to give that which we seek,
we keep the abundance of the universe circulating in our lives.
- Deepak Chopra
A mind at peace, a mind centered
and not focused on harming others,
is stronger than any physical force in the universe.
- Wayne Dyer
The mind of man is continuously unfolding
into a greater recognition of its real plan
in the creative order of the Universe.
- Ernest Holmes
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys
on a minor planet of a very average star.
But we can understand the Universe.
That makes us something very special.
- Stephen Hawking
We live in a spiritual Universe.
God is in, through, around and for us.
- Ernest Holmes
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.