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Let these funny Confucius Quotes lighten up your life. And check out the humorous quotes of many more funny authors in my large collection.
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Everything has beauty,
but not everyone sees it.
- Confucius
Our greatest glory is not in never falling,
but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius
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To know everything is to know nothing,
but to know nothing is to know everything.
- Confucius
Heaven means to be one with God.
- Confucius
Never impose on others what
you would not choose for yourself.
- Confucius (Ancient Chinese)
To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.
- Confucius
Study the past, if you would divine the future.
- Confucius
If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed;
if in terms of ten years, plant trees;
if in terms of 100 years, teach the people.
- Confucius
Choose a job you love,
and you will never have to work a day in your life.
- Confucius
Music produces a kind of pleasure
which human nature cannot do without.
- Confucius
They must often change,
who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.
- Confucius
"To know" is to know that you know nothing.
That is the meaning of true knowledge.
- Confucius
Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.
- Confucius
Success depends upon previous preparation,
and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.
- Confucius
Wherever you go, go with all your heart.
- Confucius
If you look into your own heart,
and you find nothing wrong there,
what is there to worry about?
What is there to fear?
- Confucius
The gem cannot be polished without friction,
nor man perfected without trials.
- Confucius
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance.
- Confucius
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston Churchill
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen
Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in the movie The Next Karate Kid
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
for they shall never cease to be amused.
- Anonymous
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- Anonymous
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
You never can tell with bees.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth
Eating words has never given me indigestion.
- Winston Churchill
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
Which form of proverb do you prefer
Better late than never, or Better never than late?
- Lewis Carroll
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken
Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
Our Joy comes from living our own lives simply -
never from demanding that others live simply -
or from ever making any demands whatsoever upon others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.